My Journey From Fat to Fabulous

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2010-08-20T19:45:00.000-04:00

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What A Wasted Day

2010-03-01T21:25:00.001-05:00

So today I was off work. Since I worked the weekend and it literally kicked my arse (cute little word for ass), I felt the need to not do a darn thing but watch tv all day. Well now I feel like crap that I've wasted a whole day on the tv show Criminal Minds.
I did leave the house this morning to go to the bank and take books back to library, but then came home and went straight to the couch. Now I am hating myself that I didn't at least take a shower or change my clothes. Ugh. I am a waste of space.
I wish I could go back to this morning and do this day over. When I left this morning, I saw that the sun was shining out and it was a glorious day, and I even thought to myself, "I should go for a walk", but did I it. Nope. I was a lazy couch bum all day. And I wonder why I am having a weight loss platueu. Well now I know. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully I will be in a better mood.

My New Exercise Plan

2010-02-26T16:15:00.002-05:00

So I turned 30 on Febuary 16th and I told my husband I wanted only 2 things for my birthday. I wanted a new Coach purse (which to me is sometimes better than diamonds), and I wanted the Wii game system so that I could work out at home.

Well besides surprising me with a birthday party I got both my wishes. My coach purse is in the mail as we speak and my husband came home from work yesterday with a big box that contained my Wii. Needless to say I was estatic.

So today being my day off work I have been scouring the internet trying to find the best workout video for my money. I have found 3 that I would like but I am needing some advice on which one to get. The three that I am stuck between are the Wii Fit, Your Shape with Jenny McCarthy, and Wii Active.

With the Wii Fit I am nervous about the balance board. Yeah going back to my fat complex I imagine myself stepping up on it and it crushing like dust underneath my feet. I am also nervous that it would be too hard for me since I am just beginning working out.

With the Your Shape, I like the fact that it has the camera to track your actions to make sure you are doing the exercises right. But then again I hope it does not have me turning my body into a pretzel to "feel the burn".

And last but not least the Wii Active. I have not heard a lot about this one. Just that it has many exercises and tracks your progress.

So basically what I am trying to find is a workout game that will track my progress, be easy enough that me as a beginner will have no problem keeping up with it, be fun, and of course to kick my flabby butt.

I am open to suggestions and comments. If you have had these games or have ever worked out to them, please comment to me which one and how it worked out for you. Thanks so much for all your help!

One Year Ago Today

2010-02-23T22:11:00.002-05:00

Today is my one year anniversary of having gastric bypass. When I woke up this morning I thought of all the things I have learned over this critical year. I did a little research on the internet today to help me put my thoughts into words. Some of these I have found and I thought they worked perfectly and some of these are mine.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. When I’m having a bad day and I am ready to throw in the towel, I somehow find the strength the keep going. Lately, I have hit a weight loss plateau. So instead of letting it get me down, I am finding a way to get past it.

I’ve learned that to win you must first lose, and that when you lose you sometimes win. This one is pretty much self explanatory. In the game of weight loss, losing is winning. However, it is one of the longest games in history and you can win and lose at the same time.

I’ve learned how to believe in myself. If I didn’t believe in myself I would have been setting myself up for failure.

I've learned that it is a hundred times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place. I love chocolate, but it does not love me. I know now that if I have milk, I will be sicker than a high school drunk girl after her first alcohol feast. Plus I hate working out, that is until I get my Wii.

I've learned you never have to deal with more than one moment at a time. It all comes down to baby steps. Deal with one thing at a time.

I've learned that nobody has it all figured out. Not even doctors have it all figured out. Each person is different. One way may work for me, but may be a disaster to you. But try each way and see what works best for you. Support groups are great, but when they shove things down my throat then I get turned off and become that rebellious teenager and will do the exact opposite of what you've said just to piss you off.

I've learned that words are immensely powerful. One cruel remarks can wound someone for life. And that a million compliments will not erase one criticism. Here's a short story for you...One day at work when I was still fat, I was working with a customer who was a little overweight. She was nice and bubbly and fun to work with as was her mom who was with her. As I went to exchange information in her cell phones for her behind a wall, I overheard her tell her mom that she was embarrassed to work with me because I was so fat and she wished she would have worked with one of the cute boys. I was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe that someone who on the verge of being my size if she didn't straighten up would say something like that. I was so embarrassed. I finished my job with her and let her go without a word. Well, just the other day at work low and behold guess who walks in the door again at work. And let me tell you...she is now bigger than I was at my biggest. She didn't recognize me at all even when I greeted her by her name. I was now the party on the other side of the table. As she was walking around the showroom floor I noticed something about her. She was unhappy. She didn't smile at all and had a hard look to her. I felt sorry for her. I know what it's like to be in her shoes. Even though now I have lost a lot of weight and everyone compliments me on how I look great now, I will never forget how I felt when I overheard all the nasty things people have said over the years. It's what keeps me going.

I've learned that nothing – ever - happens like you pictured it. I used to have these fairytale pictures in my head on how things would turn out. Yeah, never does. I know now to expect the best and the worst out of situations and to accept how it turns out.

I've learned that when your break promises to yourself, you feel terrible. When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself. On Monday I promise I will start working out. No, maybe Tuesday. Oh well crap. I now know to call them goals.

I've learned that life is a precious gift, love is a wonderful gift, and laughter is a glorious gift. So live life to the fullest, love with all your heart, and laugh as much as you breath. I make each moment count. I love to laugh and I live my life to the fullest.

I've learned that nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised that it'd be worth it. Having gastric bypass was not the easy way out. I have to live with my decision every day. But it was the best decision for me and buddy was it worth it! I love the fact that I am satisfied with little food and I am not tied to the dinner table anymore.

I've learned that everyone experiences the same moment differently.

I’ve learned that sometimes it hurts to look back and see how far you’ve come. Today as I was looking back through my fat pictures I was assaulted by many emotions; anger, embarrassment, ashamed, and sad. I was angry at myself that I didn't see then what I was doing to myself. I was embarrassed because I let myself get that big and was blind to the fact that I was killing myself. And sad because I should have had surgery earlier and I could have walked down the aisle to my husband on our wedding day skinner and would have wedding pictures on our wall now instead of artwork.

I’ve learned that even though you may be in the fast lane and speeding along, you will eventually come to a traffic jam and come to a dead stop. Weight loss plateaus happen you just have to realize that you're in a rut. You have to get up and get moving to get that scale moving again.

I’ve learned that even though I may be skinner, I will always have a fat complex. Even after losing 160 pounds, I still feel fat. I still have nightmares that I won't fit into that movie theater seat. I still to this day buy my clothes looser so that I have room to grow. And then I get pissed off at myself when I leave the store. I am slowly working on this complex and one day will beat the bitch down.

When someone is smirking, giggling, or outright mocking you, they aren’t really doing it to single you out… they’re doing it because it makes them feel better about themselves. Self-esteem people is a kill all. Eveyone has it. But what people need to realize is that there are 2 kinds of self-esteem, low and high and it's the balance that we all should strive for.

I’ve learned that I hated being fat. For most of my childhood and all throughout my teens and all the way into my 20's I was fat. I was made fun of, ridiculed, and chastised for being fat. And it was all my fault. No one shoved food into my mouth, I did it all on my own. I know whats it like to be fat and it's a bitch. It's not fun. You never feel good. You feel sluggish all day and you are always tired. It down right sucks. That's why I know now I will never let myself get back to being fat.

I've Been Around

2009-12-05T01:49:00.000-05:00

Sorry have been gone for so long. I have been around, just not on here. I have been trying to focus on work, life, and more or less just trying to survive. More or less what I'm trying to say is that I just have not been in that great of a mood. And it really sucks since it is Christmas time and I am trying to hard to be in the jolly mood. Well, fuck that. I'm in a piss poor mood and I have been trying to shield you of that. Well, it's not working.

So let's begin on why I'm in such a shitty mood. Let's start on the obvious. My job. I work in retail and I work directly face to face with customers. And I swear to God some people wake up in the morning and think to themselves, "I'm gonna go to ---- and act like a jackass." It's like peoples brains have melted and leaked out of their freakin' ears. I have never had so many assholes and pricks, (and yes, women can be labeled as an asshole or prick), as I've had this season. I understand that the economy is bad. Oh, believe me...I understand. Just ask to look at my bills. But for the love of God!!!! Just because you dropped a call does not mean that I need to give you a free phone and a month of service for free. Get real! Go blow it up your ass. And don't even let me start about some of the people I work with. Yikes! That is another whole blog. (As you can tell...I had a horrible day and just wanted to share.)

Now let's go onto a more appropriate subject for the title of this blog. I am proud to annouce that I have so far lost a total of 148 pounds. Yay for me!!! I don't fit in any of my clothes and I am so loving it. I love it that my clothes hang on me and people say to me, "Katey it looks like you are wearing a tent." I have told my family to not buy me clothes for Christmas because they won't fit me by my birthday in Febuary. Which by the way I will be turning 30 and I am so not looking forward to that. I can only handle so much and right now my job, my weight loss, and Christmas pretty much have my nerves to tied up right now it looks like they won't ever untangle.

So onto Christmas. What in the hell was I thinking when I decided to have not one, but 2 Christmas parties this year. I must have been drunk. Or asleep when my husband asked to have a party with his old coworkers. So since mid October, my husband has been painting like a fool. For the past year we have been trying to finish the trim and stairway in our livining room. But we are lazy fools. When we come home from work we sit in front of the boob tube and veg out. I am impressed by how much energy my husband has and how much he has accomplished. I just wish that I had enough energy to help him. Yet, back again to my job...it just sucks the life out of me. Oh well, January 2nd will come soon enough.

Fat People Have Feelings Too

2009-09-09T00:23:00.000-04:00

Lately, I have been doing very good with my self esteem and self confidence. And then today happened. I don't understand how some people think that they can give unsolicited advice. So here is what happened.

I was at work and we were busier than Wal-Mart on black Friday selling $20 PlayStations, and I get this real ass wipe of a customer. I go up to him, introduce my name, and he starts telling me his whole life story. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind to listening, but please keep it to the matter at hand.

So by now I am researching this customers account and of course the store is packed and very loud. Didn't help any matters that next to my customer was a couple arguing over who was going to get the upgraded cell phone. ( I love it when wives call their husbands bastards in my store...makes my day). Now apparently I was not reading fast enough because this customer decided to give me a tip. Now these are his exact words. "Katey, write this down. You will want to remember it. Apple. Cider. Vinegar. Pills. They will help you loose those extra pounds you have carrying around. I take them and all my cravings for food went away." Now, as I am listening to this customer say this to me, I am just shocked. I can't believe my ears. I kept thinking, "when did we get on my weight and what gives this guy the balls to even suggest a tip on losing weight to me?" And then my favorite thought crossed my mind. I thought, "how bad can I fuck up this guys account?"

So I calmly locked my computer. Put my hand up in front of the customer to stop his rambling. And politely informed him of this, "Sir, I appreciate your concern over my weight and I do apologize if I offend you in any way. However, in February I had the gastric bypass, and not like it's any of your business, but since then I have lost 115 pounds. I am sure you have heard of this surgery. Now I would appreciate if we could get back to the matter at hand. And by the way, I wouldn't take any more of those pills if I were you. I heard they cause erectile dysfunction." And I calmly walked to the door that leads to the back room.

I can still feel the fire. I am still so mad at some stupid old man who made a silly little comment to me that was totally unsolicited. He had no right. When I got home this evening and told my husband, he told me to let it go. However, the more and more I thought of it, the more and more I got pissed. How can any human not realize that saying something like that would cause them harm. It hurt my feelings. I harbored this all day. I let him win.

One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt and she once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I have ran that quote in my mind ever since it happened. I pretty much gave him consent and let him get to me. Damn him. I let him effect my whole day. Damn him! May he have diarrhea for a whole day. The really runny kind that burns your asshole.

My Lousy Life and Other Rantings

2009-09-03T14:23:00.001-04:00

So here I am at work havin a shit ton day. Now just to fill you in, I work for a cellular company as a customer service representative. Now most days I enjoy my job, but lately it seems to be a drag. Customers have been real bitches and assholes lately. They act like it is their right to get something, or in most cases everything, free. And they love to yell at me for the littlest thing.
I am currently doing the greeting shift. What is greeting you ask? Ever walked into Wal-Mart and have a geriatric say "welcome to Wal-Mart!" Well that is what I am doing for my company right now. Every single customer immediately hates me. Why? Cause I ask them in nice terms, "what the hell do you want now?" And then let the bitching begin. So on this particular occasion a lady walks in and I ask her the famous question and she takes a deep breath and begins yelling at me about how her husband hates his phone and wants a different one. So then I politely ask her if she brought the box and cables that came with the phone in with her to exchange the phone. (Here comes the funny part). She gives me a look of pure shit and says, "they didn't tell me that I would need it when I called customer support. You all are fu*king assholes I swear!". So you can see my temptation from my next comment. I sweetly ask her, "Miss what store have you ever been able to return an item without the box and original receipt?" Now get this..she doesn't get mad or angry..she laughs. She tells me while laughing and walking out the door that she will be back with the box.
I just don't get people anymore. Maybe I need to get out of retail aspect of the job force. But what jobs are out there now? Now don't get me wrong, I love the company I work for and I cannot see myself leaving anytime soon, but I would love to go back to college and finish my degree for education.
Another thing that just pisses me off about my job is that just today they changed my scheduled hours. My schedule used to be 10-7 everyday and now they moved it to 11-8. Now you are probably thinking, "it's just an hour difference. " But most days I drive an hour to work, so that means I am working the whole freakin day. Just pisses me off.
Of course with working retail, I work retail hours, and that just blows. Don't even talk to me around Christmas time. That is my dreaded holiday.
But what is a girl to do? I am just gonna suck it up, pull up my big girl panties and do it. I am gonna be like the Nike slogan "Just do it". And hopefully a great job opportunity will present itself. Or I will win the lottery. Yeah right, in my dreams.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

My poor belly button

2009-08-29T20:01:00.000-04:00

I had to pee. I had to pee so bad I thought I was going to burst. So off to the bathroom I ran. So as I am sitting on the throne, I start to examine my body. I examine my body all the time now. I look to see where this roll is going and how far I think it can stretch, and usually am amazed at how much my skin can now stretch. But anyway back to the original story. So I take a quick look at my belly button to see how well my incision is healing and low and behold it looks disgusting. The doctors didn't put stitches in it, they glued it shut. And now the glue is not holding anymore and it looks all red and puffy. So I pull the rest of the glue off (and there wasn't much to begin with) and I notice that it is split open. "Just fuckin great", I think. So I have one more hour to go at work and my belly button is split wide open. "Just fuckin great", I think again. Now what the hell am I supposed to do. So I go into panic mode. I pulled my pants back up and run to the medicine cabinet at work. And thank the good Lord above, it is nicely stocked. So I pull out some cleaning wipes, some bandaids, some antibiotic ointment, some medical tape, and some gauze. I run back to the bathroom and take my pants off. I don't want to get anything on them as I am performing surgery on myself and I needed the flexability to be able to move without contriction. So there I am standing in the bathroom at work..no pants...no panties...butt ass naked. Nice picture huh? I get myself all cleaned and bandaged up and put my clothes back on and start to leave the bathroom and guess what?!....In my intense rush to fix my belly button, I totally forgot to lock the freakin bathroom door. WHAT THE HELL!!!!! Thank God that no one needed to use the bathroom during my "surgery", they would have had the surprise of their life. So after all that I got to thinking..."should I call the doctor...should I call my aunt the nurse....what the hell do I do now?" So I call my husband and he starts to gag on the phone with me as I am describing my belly button...he's no help. So I text my aunt the nurse and ask her what I should do. I of course have taken a picture of my split belly button and send it to her and she texts me back saying 2 words in caps...CALL DR. So that's what I did. And when his nurse called me back she told me that I did everything right and no she didn't need me to send her the picture by picture message, and if it gets bigger or gets red to go to the ER. So now here I sit at home with 6 bandaids, 1 whole packet of triple antibiotic ointment, and 2 gauze pads on my belly button. You would have thought I had got shot the way I had "bandaged" myself up. My husband laughed his ass off when he looked at it. I didn't think it was very funny.

P.S.. I won't gross you out with the picture. My husband wouldn't even look at it. He such a pussy.

Just some updates

2009-08-25T16:47:00.000-04:00

So I know I got stalled again on blogging. Sorry is all I can say. Hopefully I can get better at this and start learning how to blog from my Blackberry. But anyway, let me update on whats been going on shall I?

So two and half weeks ago I woke up at 2:30 in the morning and I was in the worse pain ever. Imagine being in a ring of the UFC kickboxing and getting kicked in the stomach over and over. Not a pretty picture right? So I laid there in bed until my husband woke up to go to work and told him I needed to go see the doctor. Well, with the other symptoms that I have experienced in the past month such as blood in my stool and some abdominal pain, he admitted me into the hospital. So after having CT scans, ultrasounds, an endoscopy, and an anal exam they found out that my gall bladder is full of gall stones, I have a hernia, and to top it all off a hemroid. So much big fun! (Can you smell the sarcasm?) So this past Friday, I had my gall bladder removed. I'm glad it's over, but I am not enjoying the feeling of being uncomfortable and not being able to sleep through the night. So after I had surgery, I ended up having to stay in the hospital for two nights due to me not being able to breathe correctly. I just could not take deep breath. It felt like a band around my chest. So I was on oxygen for the 2 days I was in the hospital. But now that I am home, and on Percocet, I am feeling much better. I am going back to work on Thursday so I better get my butt in gear.

Another update:
I have finally hit the 100 pounds lost!!!! And I am also under 300 pounds now. I never ever ever ever wanna see that number on the scale again! When I got up on the scale and saw that I was 299 I stood there and cried and cried. I cried like a person who just won the lottery. I feel on top of the world. I felt like I could accomplish anything. And I realized that if I want to do something, all I have to do is put my mind to it and I can do anything.

So all in all, everything has been going well. My sister's baby is almost due (October 4th) and we've had her two baby showers that came off amazingly well. Plus she is having a girl and that makes it even sweeter. And I am so excited to be a aunt again!! So once I get the blogging from my Blackberry down pat, I can start to keep up with the blogging aspect of my life.

So much to do...vent a little....

2009-07-29T22:14:00.002-04:00

I am horrible at this blogging thing. I know that I am supposed to do it more often, but then I get caught up in life. You all have it. It's like an infection that blisters and bleeds. Its laundry, dishes, cleaning, working, and trying to fill in a little of summer fun.

So a little update:....drumroll please.......I am now at 97 pounds lost. I am just so thrilled! I can harldy wait to see the 100 pounds lost. And then when I get to under 300 pounds I am gonna take a picture and I want to never see that number again on the scale.

I have been working so hard, watching what I eat and pushing myself a little harder each day. Since my little accident with my knee, I have been afraid to walk. But I am hoping that one of these days I will be inspired enough to get back out there.

So about my job. Now don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love the people that I work with, but I don't love the customer base. They are the whiniest, bitchiest, tantrum to get their own way people. Sometimes I just want to scream at them and say, "This is not freakin Burger King, you can't have it your way!" I am sorry that it is my fault that you don't have a cell phone signal in your house. Apparently it is my big bertha ass hovering over your house and blocking all the signal. I'm sorry. I apologize more at work than I ever have. I believe in what I sell and love the business that I am in. But hell, do they have a school to teach people to be assholes? Sorry for the little vent. I guess being off work for 2 days has given me time to reflect and to realize that I don't want to go back tomorrow. I don't like the feeling of not wanting to go to work. I used to love work.

So basically the moral of the story is this. That person that is serving you today is someones daughter, son, mother, father, sister, brother, and friend. How would you like if someone treated them like crap? I live by the golden rule. Treat others how you would want to be treated.

I have been lost...sorry

2009-06-22T22:50:00.004-04:00

Sorry it has been a long time since I have completed a blog. I have been busy with work, getting myself hurt, and trying to get over some personal emotional pains.

Just doing a little update for you all out there who thought I must have been abducted by aliens. As of today I have lost a grand total of (drum roll please.....) 83 pounds. I am feeling great and looking great. It is so nice to have people who haven't seen me in a while say to me, "WOW Katey you look great!" It just really boosts my confidence and my self esteem. I am really starting to feel better about myself. I don't make fun of myself and I don't put myself down as much as I did before. I always thought that if I made a joke about my weight before someone else did I more or less beat them to the punch. I thought it would not hurt as much if I did it myself. But what I didn't realize it that I started to believe what I was saying. Which all in all is worse than having someone else make fun of you.

But now that I am down to 321 pounds and so close to being under 300 pounds, which by the way, I have not been under since I was 17. I am noticing things that are helping my mental image of myself. I notice that my legs are not as ghastly as they used to be. They are looking a little slimmer and not as bumpy. (Yeah, a great mental image for you.) My face is the huge improvement. I smile a lot more. I look good when I smile. Here is a pic of my husband and I at Kelley's Island a couple of weekends ago. I had my hair back in cute little pigtails.

I like having my picture taken now, and I take my own picture all the time now.

But back to updating....so back in May I went for a walk after I got home from a stressful day at work and I went by myself. I didn't wait for my husband and I wore my new Teva sandals. So here are my 2 mistakes...not waiting for my husband to go with me and wearing sandals. So after a good 20 minutes of huffing and puffing and jamming to music, I turn the last corner near my house and I started to slow down...now picture this....I am walking on the sidewalk and right next to the sidewalk are these huge shrubs and one the of the shrubs has a limb that is hanging in my way so as I come up on the hanging limb, I grab the limb to move it out of my way and casually step into the grass and didn't realize that it was soggy muddy grass and slip and fall down. Now when I fell down I didn't just fall..I fell down on my knee on the raised corner edge of the broken sidewalk. So now I am trying to turn over and I am lying in a puddle of soggy muddy grass. I am more worried about my cell phone than I am my throbbing knee. As I turn over like a under cooked egg (all floopy and falling apart since I was crying), the owner of the house comes out and asks my if I am okay. I tell him, "nooooooo I am not okay. I think I sprained my knee." Then he askes me if I need help up. I laugh and tell him I didn't think that he was going to be able to help me. Then he tells me he is going to bring the car around. All I could think of was that he was going to try to pull me up with his car. I didn't want to embarass myself anymore than I already had. So by the grace of God, I got up on my good knee and just raised. I actually think that God was there and he put his hands under my arms and pulled me up. So now I am jumping home on one leg and my back side is soaked wet with mud and grass. I have grass in my mud soaked hair and I have dirt streaked on my face mixed equally with my tears. As I reach my house and went through the door, I totally let my sobs go. I forgot I had stairs. My husband must have heard me crying cause the next thing I knew, he threw open the door and asked, "what happened to you?" I just cried harder. I just put my head on his stomach and cried like a little girl. He helped me up the stairs and helped me strip my clothes off and then he helped me to the recliner so I could sit down. He saw my knee and said, "Holy Shit!" I looked down and I had blood oozing down my right leg and a huge gash in my knee right on my knee cap. So off to the ER I go. After getting stitches near the bone, I have to get 3 stitches to hold the skin together. I was on crutches for 4 days and then was just limping around for a month. It is now healed up and I am walking fine. Thank God.

Update on "Bucket List" ~ I can now sit in booths are resturants with no problem. I actually have plenty of room between the table and my belly. I am so excited. Now when my husband and I go out to eat we always sit in a booth. Loviiiin it!

So I am going to try to do updates more often. So stay tuned.

Kelley's Island

2009-05-05T22:13:00.019-04:00

So took a little break from blogging and focused on work and myself and realized that I am getting better at watching what I eat and watching my moods. Today off all days was a crappy one. I wanted to share my little mini vacation that I had this weekend with my hubby.

On Friday morning we woke up around 7:45 to start to pack and to start the anticipation of the fun filled weekend ahead. I had packed the night before so I more or less had to just get my husband to wash his clothes and get them packed. Our friend Ray was going with us and he met us at our house at 10:45. So finally around 11 am we were off...to Wal-Mart to get food and supplies. Around $80 bucks later we were on our way ... to my work to get a disk for my laptop so that I could get on the internet while we were on the island. Then we were really on our way.

The ride to Marblehead to get on the Kelley's Island Ferry is about an hour from where we live and I just enjoyed the ride. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. After we drove on the Ferry, which does take vehicles, it was only a 20 minute ride to the island.

Once we got on the Ferry, I just started to let the stress of work, money, and life wash away and I told myself I didn't want to think about anything stressful or worrisome. I was just going to let the island wash away my worries. And it worked.

We got to our condo and our other friends, Nick and Diane, were already there and they were out driving around the island. I was so excited for later that night when our friends Denny and Susan were going to meet up with us at the bar Bag The Moon. Denny is a DJ (click here for his website) and he was playing Friday and Saturday night. Now Saturday was the Kentucky Derby and I knew a big party was coming. And of course I forgot my big floppy hat. Dang!

Here is a picture of some ladies and their hats!

(Here is a picture of Bag The Moon Bar)

Here is a picture of Denny and Susan (we call them Mom and Dad):

Here is a picture of Nick and Diane with their mustaches. (Mustache story: Denny is Mexican and he does a character called "Julio". "Julio" wears a mustache and tells funny jokes and stories. So we all have mustaches and play along with it. Like my husband has a t-shirt that says on the back "Julio's Son", mine says "Julio's Son's Ho", and Susan's says, "Julio's Ho". It is our favorite part of the night.)

So we unpacked our stuff and we went to go have dinner at the bar as they were having all you can eat fish. Now I don't do the all you eat anymore so I had a gyro and I pretty much ate half. My husband ate the rest. But is was oh so good. Then Denny started playing. I love to hear him sing. He also plays the guitar and sings all kinds of songs. I could listen to him for hours. I have told my husband on many occasion that I would rather listen to Denny sing a song than the original artist. He just laughs at me.

So the weather started getting a little chilly and of course I was feeling a little frisky so I had a strawberry shot. Now a strawberry shot is a big strawberry that is holed out and a strawberry ligquer is poured in it and topped with whipped cream. Of all things that are holy these are the best things! They are sooooo good. So of course after my second one, I realized that I do get drunk a lot faster. Boy was I feeling good. I was lettin loose. I was dancing like I haven't danced in years and of course Susan was there to take pictures. And no I am not posting them and she promised me that she would not put them on Denny's website. (Susan you better not even think about it!)
So Saturday morning came and we again went to the bar for breakfast, yes we ate food and didn't drink our breakfast. I had half a breakfast sandwhich. Now we all have this running joke that once you eat, check your watch and pray to God that you can make it to a bathroom in the next half hour. I think the reason for the dumping is because the grease they use. It is like car oil. Actually I do believe it is car oil now that I think about it.

So for the rest of the afternoon we drove around for a little bit and went to see the glacial grooves, the beach, and of course the house that we want to buy when we win that damn lottery. But enough of daydreaming.

After we were done driving around and seeing the sights, my husband let me go through the shops. And I love going through the shops. But I was dissapointed. They haven't got all their new items in for the summer seeing as this was the opening weekend for Kelley's Island. I was so sad. So I went back to the condo and veg'd and read my book.

And later that night we had a little surprise birthday party for my husband Kristian. He turned 27 on April 26th. I decorated a 3 layer german chocolate cake for him. Now I didn't have any cake and I was really wanting some, but I didn't want to miss the bar by being in the bathroom trying to get rid of it. So no cake for me.

Now that night at the bar was a whole new story. The place was packed. I have never seen so many people. They ran out of all beer and strawberry shots. And of course we had some fights and some people got arrested. Oh well. What a night!

Here is a picture of the empty cooler:

So the funny story of the next day was as we were leaving the island we decided to drive around once more and just see the sights one last time. So we are on a dead end road and my husband is trying to back up to turn around and BAM! he backed into a freaking tree. Now we drive a Lincoln Navigator and it is my baby so of course I freaked out and jumped out of the truck while yelling at my husband. I run to the back of the truck and of course, no damage. Now if I would have been the one backing up the bumper would have been pushed in and the back window would have busted out.

Here are some random pictures from the weekend:

(Ray and I at the bar)

My hubby and Me:

Some crazy drunk guy with a stuffed horse around his neck.

Awww someone is tired at the end of the night. He actually was snoring!

On the way home, I feel asleep and as soon as we pulled in the driveway I woke up and all the worrys came right back. Ugh I hate real life. Why can't I win the lottery?

UPDATE:

So all in all, I have been doing great and losing weight. I have lost 60 lbs and my pants are starting to fall down. In fact, last week I was walking outside of work and I stepped on the hem of my pants and pulled my pants down to my kness. Thank God no one was around, but I bet the security camera saw me. Oh well. They got a show. I feel so good. I have more confidence and have so much more energy. I can bend over now and still breath. I do it just to see how long I can go before I go lightheaded. (Right now my record is 5 minutes). People up at Kelley's probably thought I was doing yogo or something because I did it on the back deck. Just me, bending over, looking at my watch to see how long I could go. I am dumb. I know. You're laughing now. It's okay. You can.

So the food that I have been addicted to lately is the tuna and crackers packages for lunch. It is the perfect size. It has six crackers and a little can of tuna and a small tube of low fat mayo. It is so easy and it fits in my purse. Now I know a small child could fit into my purse (I actually did put a baby in my purse just to see if she would fit. She did.) but I am just saying that if you had a small purse, it would still fit. I love these things. They are so good and fill me up and a great source of protein. Yea for protein! I have been trying to eat more meat and less carbs. Fruit is still bothersome for me unless it is in a yogurt and I am so burnt out on yogurt that I just haven't been able to bring myself to eat it lately. So no fruit for me. But all in all I am doing great. Lovin life and lovin to win the lottery!

I'm Back!!!

2009-04-22T20:51:00.005-04:00

Sorry that it has been so long since I have last blogged. I have just been busy with going back to work and reading the Twilight series. I am soooo in love with Edward Cullen. If I was not a happily married woman, I would so be his stalker. I am on the third book and just addicted to them. I just cannot put them down. Here is a pic of Edward from the movie:

See, what did I tell you. He is just so dreamy. Yeah, I did say dreamy. I can't wait until the next movie is out. Each book just gets better and better. If you haven't read them yet, you must! I demand it. When you do read them, let me know how you like them.

But on to bigger and better things. Update time!!! Yes, I know you have been waiting for it. So I have been stuck in my 350's for a while and been very disappointed. I figured it would go faster, but then just yesterday I weighed in at 350 and then today I weighed myself again and I weighed in at a very cool 348. I am so happy. I was so excited and so proud of myself and I just stood there and cried. I was going to take a picture of it, but I haven't had my toenails done in a while so maybe my next goal. So now my new short term goal is 300 lbs. And I am working harder than ever to get there. But while I was stuck in the 350's I was looking for some inspiration to help me get my butt in gear and I found this picture:
Everytime I see this picture I just laugh to myself and think I came this far I can do anything. Plus the fact is that I hate Dr. Phil and believe he is devil's spawn so it makes me angry and makes me want to prove him wrong. So it works for me. Hope it makes you laugh.

Next update is that my clothes are really starting to not fit. And I am soooo loving it. I have to hold my pants up when I walk and my shirts are really looking baggy and sloppy on me. My husband even remarked to me that he wishes I would not wear my favorite sweatshirt out anymore because it is so big on me. Although it made me mad that he would say anything like that, but then it made my day that he is actually noticing also. Little milestones..gotta love em'.

My food intake is much better. I have found my favorite food is tuna and I love buying those lunch packs that come with tuna, crackers, and low fat mayo and I make a meal out of that. It's quick and easy. Plus it has great protein and it fills me up. I have been struggling with some fruit like oranges and pinapple and I really miss them. But for some reason the acid in those fruits make my pouch feel tight. On Easter I made my favorite Jell-O salad. It is lime jello with pinapple, cream cheese, and pecans. It is so yummy that I made some more for this week. I of course use sugar free lime jello and low fat cream cheese and it makes a great healthy snack full of protein from the cream cheese. YUMMY! Here is the recipe:

Katey's Lime Jell-O Salad

2 boxes of sugar free Lime Jell-O
1 can of crushed pinapple
1 cup of chopped pecans
1 box of low fat cream cheese

Make the jello-o according to box. Let set for 3 hours. In large mixing bowl put in the jell-o and the cream cheese. Mix with a mixer until creamy smooth with some chunks of cream cheese showing. Put mixture into a suitable dish and mix in pecans and pinapple and put back into refrigerator to set over night.

I eat this for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and I just love it. I hope you like it to. I am starting to experiment a little more with my food choices and still making sure that everything that I do eat is low fat, low sugar, and low carbs. I am feeling better, more healthier, and have much more energy. I am also sleeping better. My boobs are not getting in the way of my airways anymore. Not that they are disappearing (Thank You God!) but they are getting just a tit bit smaller (I even make myself laugh, ha ha ha).

So you remember that my last blog was the night before I was to return to work? And do you remember how nervous and sad that I was going back to work? Well, it wasn't so bad. I didn't realize how much my coworkers missed me and how much I was actually needed at work. It made me feel good that on my day back to work people were exclaiming how much I had changed and how good I looked. I guess I really needed that.

I am the type of person that needs attention and needs compliments. I am learning a lot about myself and I am finding that I really didn't like the person I had become when I was heavier. I was angry all the time and I was hateful towards people because of all the hatred I had towards myself. I am working on myself one day at a time and I am becoming a much happier me. I was told the other day by a customer that he can tell real beauty by someones smile and how geniune it is. He said, "you are very beautiful inside and out." I was a little taken aback, but I looked in his eyes and just smiled because I am finally feeling beautiful inside and I guess my outside is finally catching up.

~Highlights of my day~

1. Answered the phone at work today and got 3 new activations with 2 Blackberrys out of it. Rock on!
2. Waking up this morning with a smile on my face. Must have been dreaming about Edward.
3. And last but not least, weighing in at 348. Stoked!

Snow...WTF????

2009-04-07T17:31:00.003-04:00

Mother Nature hates Ohioans. It is April 7th and we have 3 inches of snow on the ground. On Sunday, I heard that there was a chance for snow but I laughed it off. Then yesterday, some snow showers started and I still thought, "okay a fluke..it will go away. It won't stick". Boy was I wrong.

So I started to think...maybe mother nature is playing a trick on us and she is going to start reversing our seasons. So maybe next week we are going to have leaves on the ground, then we will go to summer and then spring. Or maybe we are just going to be like Alaska now and have winter all the freakin time.

am so sick and tired of the whiteness. Is it ever gonna end?????? I am gonna move to California or Florida. Oh, and hey mother nature...we hate you too.

The scene from my living room window.

Mini Epiphanies

2009-04-07T16:38:00.004-04:00

I woke up this morning with a dreadful feeling in my stomach. I wasn't sick or having issues with my surgery. I knew that today was my last day before returning to work. I have been off work since February 20th and have pretty much enjoyed every minute of it. I had such big plans for my time off. I wanted to start writing my romance novel. I wanted to get my house in order. And I wanted to of course recover from surgery. As I thought about what I had planned, I wish I could start over. I wouldn't even mind going through the whole surgery again.

But now that the whole pity party is going on...I have started to not follow my eating guidelines. Why you ask. Well, I have noticed that I am starting to get hungry and I am sick and tired of eating pudding, jello, yogurt, and soup. I am having cravings and I don't like it one bit. And it has showed. I am stuck at 359. And I don't like it one bit.

So today I chewed my own ass and made myself a pact. I am going to start a food diary and I am finally going to start working out. I have been so lazy and have done nothing. I am ashamed. I have been given this great gift of a tool to help me lose weight and what have I done with it? Not a damn thing. I hear the pity party dying down and the whips snapping.

Well, my mother had her gastric bypass on April Fools Day and she is doing great. I am so proud of her. This past Sunday my husband and I went down to visit her and I took my "WLS book" down to compare to hers. And of course my loving husband informed my mother and mamaw (yes, I have a mamaw) that I have been a bad girl. So my mother chewed my ass and I pretty much deserved it. Although, I didn't let on that I deserved it, I pretty much acted like a child and threw a fit.

So now starting my food diary and work out diary. I made an excel file. Yep, I am a geek. And I am vowing to myself and to you that I am going to give it all I've got to enter my food and my exercise into it. It is a pretty awesome excel file. If you wish to have it or see it, send me your email address and I will email it to you. I am also starting a journal. I had a friend the other day tell me that she thinks the reason why I haven't lost more weight is because I have been so heavy for so long that I don't know how to be thinner and that my weight is like a security blanket for me. And the more I thought about what she said the more she makes sense.

How do you go from being fat to skinny? All my life I have prevented myself from doing so many things that I just marked them out of my life. So I am writing down a bucket list...which I find so funny. Bucket. Get it? (Another term for butt is bucket) I am going to make a list of things I have never been able to do because of my bucket and I am going to mark them off as I do them. (I am just having a epiphany today).

My Bucket List:
1. fit easily into a booth in a restaurant
2. sit in a stadium seat without hurting
3. be able to fit into a tiny sports car and not have to do the "lean and pull"
4. look good in a full length picture (and feel comfortable about it)
5. go to the movies and not have to move the armrest up
6. be able to go on a trip in an airplane

That is just the beginning to My Bucket List. So today is technically the last day of freedom and the first day of the rest of my life.

*Highlights of today*

~Finalizing the dairies in excel file
~Watching all day America's Next Top Model (I got sucked in)
~Updating my address book and birthday list

Just sittin' in the hospital

2009-04-01T10:31:00.002-04:00

Okay so I will be blogging little snipets all day today. My mom is having her gastric bypass at Riverside in Columbus, OH today. So we are sitting here in the waiting room waiting for her name to be called to go back for her surgery.

I have never seen so many people in a waiting room before. I mean that there has to be at least 100 people in here. And this is a cramped waiting room. I am relieved to find a table and some chairs for all of us to sit together. My husband just asked, "I've never seen so many people before. What the hell all they all here for?" I replied, "They heard you were coming today." He gave me that look. You know that look that says you're so funny. All I can say is thank God for wifi. At least I have something to do to keep me occupied. I figure 3 hours for surgery, 1-2 hours in recovery...so I have a good 5 hours to waste. I did bring some work with me today so maybe I will work on that.

So while I'm just sitting here with my dad, my husband, my mamaw, and papaw listening to my dad tell funny jokes, I'm trying to get my dad's hair to lay down. I asked him if he combed it this morning and he said that mom told him that it looked fine. Well he looks like he just went through a wind tunnel. So I am trying furiously to make it look halfway presentable. Finally I just ask him, "do you ever look in a mirror?" His hilarious reply was, "what's that?" So funny. I don't think he shaved this morning either. Ugh what a great start to a long day.

Just Ramblin' On

2009-03-27T21:01:00.002-04:00

Okay so I know I have not done a blog in a while...so much stuff has gone on. I was out of town for a while for my grandpa's funeral. My husband and I drove to my parents last Monday night and we didn't get back until last Wednesday night. Yeah, been a little depressed and not feeling up to even starting up the laptop to get one polished off.

So I am doing a little update for you on how I am doing. Well, I am proud to say that I have lost 44 lbs and I am now at 360. I am a little disappointed that I haven't lost more. I was at 369 on March 9th and I am like WTF! (Mom and Martha I am trying to clean up my language...just for you...but don't expect much! :) Ha ha ha).

Anyway, today was a good day. I didn't get to bed until 4:30 this morning because I was just not tired. Ever have one of those nights, where you are just too wired too sleep and your brain will not shut off? You lay in bed listening to your husband snore and wish that you were asleep so you didn't have to listen to him. (Well it would work for you if you have a husband that snores...just go along with me okay?) So I stayed up and Googled every freakin website out there for baby showers. I am having one for my sister hopefully in July if she can make it. (Crossing my fingers).

But back to my day...I woke up at 10:30 and my brain kickstarted like an old Ford truck. You know the ones that have the muffler broken and it's really loud. So loud that I was praying for coffee to magically appear in the shower. And while you are wondering on that...Yes, I have drank coffee in the shower. I am a diehard coffee drinker.

Standing under the sizzling spray of boiling water in the shower, I started my agenda for today. Drop off library books (hope that they are not past due), try a snack wrap from McDonald's and see how it goes down (Yep just call me the Gambler), get gas, go to work and pick up my new cell phone and visit my peeps whom I have missed terribly, go to bank and request new atm card cause my is jacked up, get nails done, pick up new contacts, ship my brother-in-laws jacket that somehow ended up in my truck, also ship Mallory's Easter bag of treats (which included a chicken that poops bubble gum....AWESOME!!! she will love it!). So I have a full day.

Did I get it all done? Nope. But I did get most of it done. I didn't realize how much I missed my peeps at work. I walked in and felt love. Now just to give you a little backgroud on me....if I don't see you for a while I pretty much squeal with delight at the sight of you face. I spent most of my afternoon there. Catching up on gossip and looking at new phones and finding out the new policies that rolled out. I wanted to check my email but...what the heck..that can wait for another day. I also got my schedule and found out that I go back to work on April 8th. So the only thing I didn't get done was go to the bank. I guess that can wait for tomorrow.

*Highlights for today*

~Getting to read a juicy magazine at the nail salon.

~Seeing my peeps after 5 weeks. Getting a jump start on my sqealfest.

~Snack wrap from McDee's went down ggggoooooddddd. Could only eat half then saved rest for later.

***Listening to Jamey Johnson - She's All Lady******

Happy 1 Month Annverisary To Me!

2009-03-23T13:10:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning and realized that today is March 23rd. And I thought to myself, "Today is my one month anniversary of having surgery. It's been 4 weeks and I am now allowed soft foods. Yea!" So I got out of bed and I am starting laundry and packing bags to go to my parents for my grandfather's funeral. As I am doing all of this I check my cell phone for messages and notice that my aunt has sent me a text saying that if I want to write and/or read a personal note at Grandpa's funeral I can. Now I am at a loss. I have so many things going on in my mind that I have no idea what to say or even if what I want to say is what I want others to hear also. I will have to think about it. But nevertheless, I am going to try enjoy my day and enjoy my scrambled eggs that I made for myself for breakfast.

Steamy Buddah Balls

2009-03-23T02:37:00.003-04:00

Yeah saw this website on eggface and wondered..what the hell so I went and tried it. And it is hilarious! Go try..My name is Steamy Buddah Balls. Nice.

Try it for yourself...The Original Gangsta Name Generator.

Spots all over!

2009-03-22T23:18:00.008-04:00

So backtracking a couple of days here and wanting to tell you about a serious condition that I hadthis week that put me in the emergency room for 5 hours. I had hives over 90% of my body. And I really have no idea why I had them. Now my husband and I think that I am allergic to the new protein shake that I purchased from my dietitian. So I am not drinking that anymore. But what happened was on Thursday the 26th I had some itchy spots in the morning and they seemed to grow. I got scared and had my doctor paged around 10pm and asked him. Now, my doctor is a very good doctor but he has no personality whatsoever. He must have missed that class in med school. Didn't get much out of him so my husband and I went to Walgreen's to pick up some Benadryl and some cortozone cream. When we got home I took a cold shower and took the Benadryl and my husband gave me some pain medication and slathered my body with the whole tube of cortozone cream. I went into la la land and fell asleep. So Friday morning came and I felt like I drank a 12 pack and tried to sleep it off. I had a cotton filled head and a sand paper tounge. My husband called me and asked me how I looked. I stood up and looked in the mirror and noticed I still had some on my back and tummy. After I got off the phone with him, I put some clothes on and went down stairs. I called my nurse and asked her what I should do. She told me that I was doing the right thing by taking the Benadryl and Cortozone cream. So I got off the phone with her and went to the kitchen to fix my breakfast and I just could not stop scratching. I ran into the dining room which has mirror doors into the office and I stripped and I could have just cried. I was covered. My neck, legs, belly, butt, arms, pitties, scalp, and ears! I then proceeded to take pictures and sent them to my mom and husband. I called my nurse back and told her (this all happened within 10 minutes) and she said that the doctor could not see me today, but if they got worse to go to the ER. So I waited for my husband to come home so I could show him. I could not believe it. THEY GOT WORSE...MUCH MUCH WORSE. They got bumpy and started growing into one another so I drank some more Benadryl and slathered on some more cortozone cream and fell asleep on the couch. My husband came home and apparently didn't think to wake me to check to see if I was alive and went upstairs to bed. So I woke up around 7:30 pm and went upstairs to see him and show him and...THEY WERE WORSE. So I made my husband take some pictures and off we went to the ER. I had my husband take me to St. John Westshore Hospital ER (which is about 20 minutes from our house) because I didn't want to spend all night at Elyria Memorial Hospital (which is like right down the road from our house). We got to the hospital at 9 pm and I was not in good condition. I was shaking, cold, and my skin was on fire. I was out of it. I could hardly stand and when we walked into the ER I almost passed out at the desk and good thing that fast thinking nurse had the insight to put a wheelchair under my butt when she did because down I went. So we sat there for a while and I held my little white puke bucket because I was feeling a little pukey. When a doctor was finally able to see me, they all about shit. They said that this was the worst they have ever seen. They immediately started an IV (took them 3 tries) and gave me some steroids and some big time Benadryl and some liquids cause I was having a hard time drinking. I feel asleep and woke up about 1:45 am and they checked on me and they were pretty much gone. They gave me some prescriptions for Steroids and sent me on my merry way. As of today they are pretty much gone with the exceptions of a spot here and there but mostly gone. I am totally not convinced that it was the protein shake but I am not drinking that anymore. Hopefully it doesn't happen ever again. Here are some pictures of my spots.

Is that a tranny over there?

2009-03-22T21:58:00.008-04:00

Sorry it has been a while since I have last wrote a blog. Boy do I have a lot of catching up to do. So last weekend (14th & 15th) my mother and I drove out to Harrisburg, PA to visit my sister and her family. They live in Drexel Hill, PA which is close to Philadelphia. So technically we meet them half way. It was nice to see my niece Mallory again since I had not seen her since last February when my aunt died. Speaking of dying, my grandfather just died last night. Like I told you a lot of shit happened in a short time. Anyway back to my niece. She is just great. I love her so much. She is 9 going on 20. So smart and such a whippersnapper. Yeah I said whippersnapper. Here is a picture of her:
Adorable isn't she. It was nice to be able to relax and enjoy the weekend with my sister and learn some more stuff about the surgery from her since she had it two years ago. By the way, she is pregnant now with her second child. I am so excited. I secretly wish for her to have another girl. So that I may have the only boy in the family. I know I am going to hell for it. Oh well. Plus the fact that if they have a boy, her husband Sebastian wants to name him Frank for his father. Ummmm, yeah okay. Please dear God let it be a girl. Anyway, here's the funny part of the weekend..

As my mom are getting closer to the hotel that we are staying at my phone rings and it is my sister Jenny. Here is the coversation that we had:

Me: Hello, what's up?
Jenny: Can mom hear me?
Me: Umm no I don't think so why?
Jenny: Okay I am going to tell you and you have to prepare mom.
Me: Oh Jesus Christ. Now what?
(Mom in background..."What the hell now?")
Jenny: Okay Sebastian, Mallory and I are standing here at the front desk signing in and Sebastian starts to look around and asks me if a woman standing over at the banquet entrance is really a guy.
Me: Well...
Jenny: Well, they are having a transgender/transvestite conference this weekend.
Me: Holy Shit.
(Mom in background..."What..what...whaaaaattttt?")
Jenny: So you have to prepare Mom so she doesn't freak out.
Me: Okay I will call you back later...(laughing so hard I have tears coming down my cheeks)
Jenny: K' Bye...

Here is the conversation with my mom

Me: Okay mom...
Mom: Just tell me...what now?
Me: Well....they are having a transgender/transvestite conference at our hotel this weekend.
Mom: WHAT?!?!?
Me: I gotta call Kristian
Mom: Your Mamaw is gonna love this! Shit I gotta call your dad!

So we get to the hotel and as I am driving around to find a parking spot, low and behold...there sitting on the steps with his/her legs open showing all his/her "stuff" is a lovely woman. Now I knew that it was a guy dressed as a woman, but apparently my mother had a hard time distinguishing. She kept asking me all the time, "Is that one?" While we were unloading the car with my 7 bags (yeah, fat people pack a lot..our underwear take up one bag....you know granny panties) my mom then looks at me with the upmost perplexed look on her face and she asks me, "What if they look at me and think that I am one?" I just about shit my pants right there in the parking lot.

Well, I was ready to give out some makeup tips and hair help. Let me tell you, I was disappointed. This must have been a starter transgender conference. Now imagine this...rusty red hair that is permed to the hilt and then brushed out, bright red painted lips, adam's apples, 5 o'clock shadow, salvation army hooker clothed, manly walking newbies. I just about threw up. I did a little in my mouth when my niece and I were in the pool and a "lady" walked in and had a one piece on and it showed a very "manly" package. All I can say is PLEASE SHAVE YOUR JUNK!!! If you are going to be it..be it all the way.

Anyway, as we were loading our stuff back into our car, a "couple" walked out and Mallory would not stop staring. And then they started kissing. And I am not talking about a little peck. I mean "get a room and start humping" kissing. Mallory looks at me and asks, "Those are really two guys right?" I then proceeded to cough on my apple juice and bring a little up my nose. It was great.

Then on our way home, my mom looks at me and says, "You know...that hotel should have warned us that they were having that conference this weekend." I looked at her and said, "Yeah mom, what they hell would they have said, "Umm, are you attending our transgender/transvestite conference that weekend?" Mom then said, "Well it would have been nice to let us know before hand instead of trying to figure out who was who." Okay mom.

(Please note: I am not sexist or racist. I love my gays just as much as you love yours. Just a funny moment in my life and telling it.)

So that was the great weekend. I had a blast with my niece and seeing my sister's growing belly. It was a nice relaxing weekend. Then we came home.

St. Patrick's Day was a good day then turn shitty. I was having major issues with hunger and then being full really fast. I could not decided what the hell I wanted to eat. And I was noticing that I would jump down your throat if you kept me from food. Well, my husband and I went out to see our friend Denny Michael's DJ in Avon Lake at a huge St. Patty's Day party. So off my husband and I go. We are being lovey dovey and we are just having a good time. Then we get to the party and I am getting really hungry. So I look at the menu and notice not a damn thing on there for me to eat. So I thought to myself, okay I will ask the waitress and see if they have applesauce, pudding, or cottage cheese. When I finally got one to come to our table she looked like she just ate a piece of shit and got some on her upper lip. Now I was once a waitress for 3 years and never in my waitressing career did I ever come to a table with a shitty look on my face. She didn't even say hello, what the fuck do you want, are you gonna order now, nothing...she just looked at me. So I asked her nicely if she had anything for me to eat...she said no...then I said okay I will just have the chicken...then she yells to everyone "WE ARE OUTTA CHICKEN". I then decided okay bitch I'm gonna go to taco bell and get some refried beans. So I stand up and ask my husband "where are the keys?" He gets mad that I am leaving to go to Taco Bell and I proceed to tell him that if she is gonna be a cunt (yeah don't like that word anymore than you but if you act like one, expect to get called one) then I am going to go to Taco Bell and get me some fu*kin beans and maybe some potatoes. He grabs my arm to keep my from leaving and I proceed to jerk my arm away from him and scream, "I am fu*kin' hungry let me go." And storm out and drive to Taco Bell. And then it happened....I stopped at Speedway and bought a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Now, I lit one and stared at it and just inhaled the smoke which did smell like shit. And then I took a puff and waited. Nothing. Damn. I was so hoping for that feeling I used to get. Now if you smoke or have smoked you know what feeling I am talking about. That feeling of your blood slowing down and that light headed feeling. Now I have only done marijuana once with my sister and threw up so many times that I never wanted to do it again. But cigarettes...OH GOD! I loved smoking. I loved the feeling. I couldn't care less if I smelled or my clothes smelled. Or if I had bad breath. I loved that fast acting stress reliever. Now, I made the stupid mistake of telling my husband when I got back to the party. I know, I am a dumbass. Because he then proceeded to tell me that I am not smoking (he is telling me this while he is smoking a cigarette) and he is going to tell my doctor on Wednesday at my 3 week follow up. Now that made me stop and think. Damn...he is really going to do it. And by God...he did.

Wednesday, March 18th 3:00. Doctor Ben-Meir's office. My husband asks the doctor, "What is going to happen to her if she should smoke?" Dr. Ben-Meir replies, "Well, what happens is that she will get an ulcer and be in pain." Just freakin great. Now I don't anticpate smoking all the time, but at moments like when I really really really need one, I am gonna smoke one. Now a few can't hurt I am thinking. Or I will just do a Bill Clinton and not inhale. Ha ha ha...I wanna inhale so hard that I suck the cigarette right down in my lungs. Sorry, bad picture.

Anyway, while they are weighing me I notice that they have my starting weight at 396. I looked at my nurse and said that's not right. My starting weight was 404. The nurse looks at me like I am crazy and asks me, "So you want to be heavier?" I replied, "Well I would like the correct starting weight to be down." She replies, "Yeah, okay." I then proceed to call her dumb bitch under my breath.

Then my worst fear happens on March 21, 2009 at midnight. My beloved grandfather dies. Now I know that this is the best for him, but you know deep down you always wish that they will go back to the way they used to be. Tall, handsome, funny and full of life. Instead of delirous and just not all there. He would talk to plants and his socks. The last time I went to go see him was his birthday on March 7th. He asked every couple of minutes for us to put his bow tie on him and to get his commanders coat. We tricked him and told him that my Uncle John had it in his car and he was in Columbus for a masonic meeting. I thought it was funny then. Now that I look back I wish I would have stayed for a few more minutes and gave him one more hug and kiss. I also wish that I would have taken my mom up on the offer of a picture of me and him on his birthday. Now I try to look back on how he was and how he would want me to remember him. He could sing like an angel in church and how I would eat his carrot sticks at his work when my dad would take me up there to visit him on his lunch break. I can now think of him watching over me with my grandma now. Oh how he missed her so much. And how I will miss him. My heart aches and the tears just will not come. I wanted to share a picture of him. This was in 2006 at my cousin's wedding. He was so handsome in his suit.

I can hear him up in Heavin singing, "Just A Closer Walk With Thee" while holding Grandma's hand.

What's Eating Gilbert Grape

2009-03-13T00:28:00.003-04:00

This has to be one of my favorite movies. If you have never seen it, please rent it and watch it. It is probably in the $1 section of the rentals by now. Not only does it touch on mental retardation, but also on obesity. This is one of my favorite parts of the movie.

Things that suck about being fat: (Just to remind myself later)

2009-03-12T23:41:00.003-04:00

(Note: I got most of these from eggface and I wanted to elaborate. Thanks eggface)

Having to take medications for diabetes and high blood pressure

Driving around the parking lots for hours waiting to get the perfect spot, you know, the very first one right after the handicap ones.

Going shopping with friends and only being able to buy purses and jewlery.

Going out to eat with family and friends and having to ask for a armless chair and heavenforbid if they sat us in a booth.

Going to concerts and not being able to fit into the t-shirts.

Being hot all the time and sweating for no reason. Sitting in a chair, taking a shower, driving…all sweating.

Narrow aisles in stores, hope to God that no one wanted to pass. It is so embarrassing to have to walk out of an aisle to let someone go by and then try again.

Weighing at the Dr. office and saying “oh we give you 3 pounds”. I don’t want you to give me 3 pounds.

Being limited to three clothing stores. (Lane “Giant”, Avenue, and Catherines)

Feeling as though my husband is not attracted to me anymore. It is hard to be a nympho and your husband not wanting it.

People analyzing what you order at restaurants. I am always thinking that servers are thinking, “Yea, order that and then say you want a diet pepsi…who are kidding.”

Dive bar bathrooms. Yea, I love to try to sit on a toilet seat that already touches the wall and then the toilet paper roll right on the other side touching the other side.

People always saying, "You have such a pretty face."

People alwasy saying, "Are you really gonna eat that?"

Walking by a group of teenagers and hoping they didn't make comments. (Funny story: I was once pumping gas and a carload of kids drove by and yelled “COW!” out of the window and apparently they were too busy looking at my fat butt that they didn’t stop at the stop light and they got hit. I laughed and thanked God for karma.)

Having pictures taken. If you take my picture it better be boob and up.

Having to special order my bridal gown. And having the lady tell me infront of a group of girls getting ready for prom that the reason why it was $300 more was because “that’s a lot more fabric honey.” I wanted to shank her.

The chairs with the attached desks at college.

Not fitting on roller coasters and amusement rides.

Popping a rib out of socket to get my toenails painted

Worrying when I heard a creak in a chair. (Funny story: My husband and I were at a bar with those small white chairs with the metal legs. Well, I sat sideways to get a better picture of my friends and I bent the legs on the chair. My husband saw it and he got me out of it real quick and I just left it. It ended up with my friend sitting in it that is small and he thought that he did it. Priceless.)

Seatbelts. And these damn new cars that beep non stop if both front seat passengers don’t buckle in.

Old-fashioned movie theater seats. I can only go to certain movie theaters that have the lift up armrests. I usually call before hand to make sure. Last time I went to a movie that didn’t have them, I ended up with such a bruise on my hips that I actually bruised my hip bone. Fun times.

Stadium seating. When my husband and I go to Indian’s games I sit for half the game and get my ass bruises and then the other half of the game I sit in the picnic area and watch the game on the tv. When my husband won tickets to a Cav’s playoff game I was hell bent and determined to go. We got there late and the game had already started. It was sold out. I had never seen so many people. We had club seats and as we are being ushered down to our seats I was praying like I never prayed before. When I went to sit down I was so relieved to find that my ass “juuuusssttt” fit. I didn’t get up until it was time to leave.

Packing a small getaway bag is impossible. 2 garments took up the whole bag. So for one weekend I have 3 bags and then having my friends saying, “you know we are only going away for a weekend right?”

Last dress I wore was my wedding dress. I so want to wear a pretty summery dress.

Never getting a piggy back ride or being swept off my feet. I so can’t wait until my husband can pick me up and carry me.

Dressing rooms. I hate going into a dressing room and trying on clothes. I end up sweating so much that the clothes then stick to me. I think they turn up the heat on fat chicks.

Slow dancing with my husband and not being able to have his arms around me all the way.

Shorts. No one wants to see a fat chick in shorts. But when I did wear them and then got into a hot car with leather seats I heard the hiss of searing flesh and then smelling the faint scent of bacon.

Small cars. Yeah I love your new car but I don’t want a ride. I don’t want to have to contort myself and have my knees up to my tits. Its like an elephant sitting in a Volkswagen beetle.

Sitting in a backseat of a car and someone pulling up next to the car and saying, “hey I think your tire is flat.”

Getting into my car and do the lean and pull. You know...lean over so your butt has room to pull the door shut.

I can probably think of a dozen more and will probably add them later. Thanks to eggface again.

No more poppin' chairs open...

2009-03-12T22:25:00.004-04:00

Thought I would update everyone on what's happenin' in my life.

Sooooo I have been having some issues with eating. I just can't seem to get any food in. I eat about 500 calories a day and about 30g of protein. Now I am supposed to be on 1000 calories and 50-60g of protein. So I am going to start trying some of the protein shakes that eggface has on her site. Wish me luck.

Now I am so excited for this weekend. Bright and early on Saturday morning my mom and I are leaving for Harrisburg, PA to meet up with my sister Jenny, and my niece Mallory. We are going to stay overnight and come back on Sunday. My sister has a bunch of clothes for me since she herself had the WLS (weight loss surgery) two years ago. I am excited to get new clothes because, YEA! I am now down a size. My size 28/30's are big. Anyway, we are staying at a hotel that has a pool and I am so excited to swim with my niece again. I am just excited to see them again since the last time I saw them it was a year ago.

Well, today I had a productive day. I went to the Post Office and shipped some items that I sold on Ebay. And then I went to get my nails done. I was so excited to drive again (even though I don't know if I am allowed or not). When I got behind the wheel it was kinda' like I forgot. And then the greatest thing happened....I noticed that the seatbelt fits better. I didn't feel like I was choking myself to death. YEA! Little milestones..you gotta love em'.

When I got the the nail salon and was sitting there getting my nails done I was staring at the pedicure chair with longing. And then I decided to go ahead and get a pedicure. I was a little apprehensive of sitting in the chair because it is like a ride at the fair. It slams shut on your hip and it feels like it will pop open if you touch it. Well, a funny story....right before Christmas was when I got my last pedi and as I was sitting in the chair, I must have leaned the wrong way because all of a sudden the side popped open hit the lady that was sitting next to me. I was so embarrassed and vowed never to get another pedi at that store again. Well, today I was just dying for one and like I said it's been since Christmas and well I could sand a chair down with my heels so they really needed it. Plus I deserve it dammit. Anyway, as I am getting ready to sit down in the chair again, I kept imaging the side popping open again and I just didn't think that I could live with that again so I thought, "okay keep your legs together and just suck it in." Weeeeellllll, I didn't have to. My ass (sorry Mom)....My butt fit so muuuucccchhhh better. I could actually sit comfortably in the chair and not worry about it popping open. I am so proud.

So here is a new idea that I am taking from eggface. At the end of some of her posts she adds her highlights of her day. I thought it was a great idea so I am going to start doing that. So here it goes....

*Highlights for today*

~Not popping the chair open at the nail salon.

~Seeing a huge gap in my pants for the first time. I love not worrying about splitting my pants open anymore.

~Mani and Pedi. Need I say more?

~Getting a huge hug and kiss from my husband tonight. And he got a little slap on the butt. About as much sexual action he is going to get from me for a while since the doctor told me I am probably fertile myrtle now since I lost weight.

About Me

2009-03-11T12:51:00.001-04:00

Okay so someone sent this to me and told me that I had to post it on my blog. So here it goes.

1. FIRST NAME: Katheryn (if you should ever call me this I shall beat you)
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My grandmother’s
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Yesterday, damn hormones
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Smoked Turkey
6. KIDS? Nope
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? Yes, cause I rock
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yep
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Like yeah whatever
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Hell to the no
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cookie Crisp
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Mint Chocolate Chip or Strawberry
16. SHOE SIZE? 11
17. RED OR PINK? pink
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My nose, but I have so many to choose from
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My niece Mallory, I don’t get to see her that often
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO HAVE TO DO THIS? Yes
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW? Teal sweatpants and my slippers
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Protein Shake (sipped it more or less)
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? CSI on tv
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Sexy Rockstar Pink
25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? My husband’s cologne or coffee
26. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mom to let me know that our trip to PA is on for this weekend. Yea!
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes & Teeth
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, she is a Rockstar
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Anything from Starbucks
30. FAVORITE SPORT? Umm yeah don’t have one.
31. HAIR COLOR? Light Brown and Blonde
32. EYE COLOR? Brown
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yessirreee bob
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Spaghetti or Pasta Da Vinci from Cheesecake Factory
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy Ending
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? P.S. I Love You
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Teal (to match the sweats)
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Both
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? : Brownie and Ice Cream
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Who knows
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Who knows
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Divine Evil By Nora Roberts
44. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don’t use one, but I really want one that looks like a carpet with fringe on it…still trying to find one.
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Lisa Lampenelli on Comedy Central
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? My husband’s soft snores, not the loud ones just the soft ones to let me know that he is still beside me, and the waves on the shore at Kelley’s Island
47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones
48. TALENT? I can touch my tongue to my nose
49. ARE YOU CURRENTLY IN LOVE? Most definitely
50. WHAT MEMORY GOOD OR BAD STICKS OUT THE MOST FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? Riding my bike up and down Kirby’s driveway

How Many Calories Do You Burn During Sex?!?!?

2009-03-10T15:56:00.003-04:00

I was just reading and getting some new ideas for recipes from a new fave blog and saw a link to a website to see how many calories you burn during sex. I was laughing so hard that I almost split my glued incisions open. Go check it out! Thanks eggface for the great laugh.

Just another update

2009-03-08T23:48:00.002-04:00

So here is another one of my great updates. Yeah for you for reading it. BTW..thanks to all my followers and readers, I know that you take your precious time away from your busy lives to read the crap that spills out of my head. You're great and I appreciate it.

Okay so here is the lowdown...weight loss as of yesterday, 34 lbs. Yea!!!!!! I am starting to get really proud of myself. I have noticed that my hands are getting thinner and so is my face. I fit into my jeans better and I wore my favorite white vest today and I could actually zip it and sit down with it zipped. I freakin rock! (I told my mother-in-law about it and she wanted to know if my shoe size would go down to...I wear a size 11.)

My husband and I went to the high school today to help with the choir concert (we do admissions and programs) and I was handing out programs and I noticed that if I stand for too long I get nauseous and I the cold sweats. So after handing out programs, I went and sat down in a chair by my husband for a while and got over it pretty quick. Plus the fact that my husband bought me a Powerade with some sugar in it probably helped my low blood sugar some too.

After the concert, we went back home to unload the treadmill that my mother has let me borrow. Well, Kristian (my husband) unloaded it since I can't lift anything over a gallon of milk or 5 lbs. So I sat in the truck while my loving husband unloaded the treadmill by himself in the rain. I felt bad. I really did. No seriously...I really did feel bad. But he did it. And in the process, he ripped up the front yard with the truck. Nice. Oh here's a funny story for you. While my husband and I were waiting for the concert to end to clean up, my husband mentions to me that he does not think it might be a good idea for me to run on the treadmill. HA HA HA. Like my fat ass would run on a treadmill. Let me rephrase that. Like my fat ass would run. Period. He then proceeded to tell me that he would be scared that I would fall through to the basement. I actually started laughing at him because I was picturing it. You're laughing too. Go ahead. Laugh. I give you permission. Because here is the picture I had.... I would be running on the treadmill. I would hear creaks and all of sudden....BAM WHOOSH BANG I would be in the basement. Still standing on the treadmill and I would just start running again like nothing happened. Funny I know.

But, back to serious business. I am actually excited to have a treadmill. I am too embarrassed to go outside and walk. I am a lazy walker. I want to watch tv while walking. I live in a nice and quiet neighborhood but I just have this feeling when I am out that all of our neighbors are peering out their windows at me and making fun of me. And like who really wants to see a fat girl walking on their sidewalks. I might cause an accident and I just could not live with that. Plus their is a school close by and if I should walk by a teacher may say, "Look kids, if you don't eat right you may end up like that fat lady." I just can't do it. I would rather sweat and pant in my own house while watching tv. Plus the friction between my legs when I start walking real fast might start a fire and I need to be close to a fire extingisher. I don't want to have to rely on a neighbor and his hose. I don't want to make the headlines.

So today was another big day for me. See I have been having problems getting enough food in. Yeah ironic isn't it. My daily consumption of food looks like this: 2 cups of soup, 3 sugar free popsicles, 1 cup of pudding, 8 cups of water, 2 baby spoonfuls of cottage cheese and maybe a can of slimfast for low carb diets. I am just having a hard time eating food. So today I really wanted some Wendy's chili seeing as that is the only chili that I can have. So today I had 1/2 a slimfast, 6 cups of water, 1 cup of chili (pureed...it looked like puke, but was ever so good) with cheese sprinkled on top and 2 tablespoons of cottage cheese. Yeah, I totally sucked today. I really need to start a food diary. I just hate having to figure out how much protein, calories, carbs, sugars..blah blah blah. If I could just write down what I ate and how much I ate and someone could figure out the other shit, I would be good. But I just have to suck it up and do it. Gotta put on my big girl panties and suck it up.

See my problem is that I am afraid that if I don't get enough protein in, my hair is gonna fall out. Now I have really thick hair, but I love it. I don't want it to fall out. Can you image me being all skinny and sexy and then you look at my head and I have patches of hair. Yeah, real freakin sexy. Gotta love that patchy hair skinny girl look. Seeeexxxxyyyyy.

So tomorrow is a new day. I am home again tomorrow from work and I have a list of things that I want to do. I want to get all my protein in and all my liquids in. I want to make a food list and a exercise schedule (note to self: call nurse and make sure can start exercising) and also find some basic exercises that I can start with. I have a big day ahead. But first things first. Sleep. And now I am able to sleep on my sides and stomach. Halleluiah!!!

You May Not Want To Read This. (Blog of Bitching)

2009-03-06T17:48:00.004-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a while and yeah, I'm sorry. I haven't been feeling up to it. I am stuck in a rut. I don't sleep much and I am cranky. It has been 11 days since my surgery and I am just blah. You caught me in a bad mood.

So here are the details: I have lost a total of 31 lbs. Go me. (I am so in a bad mood.)

I am in such a funk that I haven't twittered, facebook'd, or changed my Blackberry Messenger status. I don't know what my deal is. I left the house the other day with my mom and we went grocery shopping, got my haircut, and we dropped books off at the library. I don't feel like leaving the house anymore. I was so tired when I got home that day that even when I tried to take a nap, I couldn't.

See, my problem with not sleeping is that I have to sleep on my back all night. And well, I just have a hard time doing that. I start out okay, but then my back starts to hurt and I get the willies in my legs and arms, so then I have to sit up and rock back and forth. It sucks. I used to be able to sleep no problem. When I would go to bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out like a light. Now I lay awake and listen to my husband snore and my stomach gurgle.

Then today happened. I actually slept some last night and thought it was going to be a good day. What was I thinking. I must have the worst luck in the world. I get a text message from my husband stating, "hot water tank is busted...no hot water". Just freakin great. And here I thought I was going to have a good day. I thought wrong. So no shower. No running the dishwasher. No doing laundry. I then decided to say screw it and went downstairs and watched my dvr shows all day. I didn't do a damn thing.

The one thing I did do is eat. Well, drink in my case. But I also did a little eating. Yep, gonna tell ya the truth. I had carrots and cauliflower. Yeah, I chewed it until it was like mush, but now I am paying for it. It hurts to breath and I can't make the pain go away. I am such a dumb ass. I should have known better. I shouldn't have started food so soon. I learned my lesson.

I would tell my husband about it, but he and I got into an argument about the water heater and now he is ignoring me. Probably because I am such a naggy bitch of a wife. Yep, I suck. Today sucked. And I can't even sleep for the day to just go away. I screwed.

Here are some pictures

2009-02-27T21:27:00.009-05:00

Here are some pictures of me right after surgery sleeping, awake, walking, and of course my incisions (please be aware it is graphic because I am scary when I don't have makeup on and my hair done).

Here I am still sleeping off the anesthesia.

Here is a close up of me. (yeah real sexy right after surgery.)

Here I am now awake, but in a lot of pain.

Here are my incisions. At the top is my tube with a bottle that caught the excess. Real gross.
6 total holes in my body.

Favorite pastime: Walking the hallways

What's your birthday? They asked this every time they gave me meds, gave me shots, and took blood. I wonder what they would have done if I would have gave them a different birthday?

This is the Cleveland skyline. This is the view from my room. I would lay awake at 6 am and watch the lights. It was so beautiful.

What the heck was I thinking?!?!?!?

2009-02-27T16:19:00.004-05:00

So I have been home for two days now. And it still is not getting any easier. So let me start at the beginning on Sunday when I started my "cleaning" out.

On Saturday night my husband and I had my "last" dinner with my parents, my aunt Karen, uncle Dick, and my cousin Kyle. We went to the Varsity Club in Willard and I ordered grilled chicken sandwich on a pretzel bun with fries and I had a small salad with Ranch dressing and I ordered dessert that I shared with the whole table. The dessert was a brownie with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. Let me tell you..it was damn good. However, it was the next day that I regretted the whole decision to eat any food.

Sunday. Oh Sunday. I spent the whole freakin day in the bathroom. My husband left the house to go over to his parents to eat since I did not allow him to eat in the house. I had to drink 1 1/2 bottle of magnesium citrate at 2 and then another 1 1/2 bottle at 5. Oh, dear Lord. I was prayin to die. I had never went to the bathroom like that. I went through 2 rolls of that double toilet paper. I read an entire romance novel by Nora Roberts while sitting on the "john". You know that song by Johnny Cash "I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire", yeah that should explain it.

Then Monday came and I was a nervous wreck. I left both cellphones at home because I was afraid that I would call someone to come get me and runaway. I got up at 6 am (I really didn't sleep, just cat napped) and packed my bag and was in the truck ready to go. I was actually waiting on my husband. I had it in my head that the sooner I get there, the sooner it would be over. Kinda like Christmas. You go to bed sooner the sooner Santa comes.

We got to the hospital and I was surprised to see that my mom was already there and my grandparents made the trip from Crestline to be with me on my big day. I was taken to a room and answered a whole bunch of questions that I had already answered and they put the band on my wrist. Well, that sealed the deal. They tagged me and I was theirs.

I was then taken to a little room where I had to strip and put on funny little blue booties and a blue hat and a blue gown (the kind that shows your booty). And they had me get into a bed in the hallway. Well this is where I started getting really nervous and yeah I started crying. My Mamaw and Papaw gave me a hug and kiss and then my mom gave me a kiss and then I really started crying in earnest when my husband gave me a hug and a kiss. He probably thought, "what a baby." But this is my first big surgery. The only surgery that I've had before was to have my tonsils taken out when I was 19.

So they took me back to the surgery waiting room and I was in there for almost an hour and while in there they started my IV. I was still crying and one of the anesthesiologist came over and was talking with me and was explaining everything to me and I calmed down. Then soon as I calmed down my surgeon came in and said "we are ready for her". So then I started crying again. (I am a big baby)

They wheeled me down the hallway and into a small room with a bunch of people standing around. I remember thinking, "wow, are all these people here for me?". The surgeon came in again and I looked at him and that's when they gave me the "joy juice". They put a mask on my face and said take deep breaths and out I went.

When I woke up my mom and husband were talking and I remember trying to open my eyes and not being able to. I just let myself fall back asleep. I woke up some hours later and it was dark outside and the first thing I saw was my room and how pretty and modern it was. The cabinets were black, the walls were painted a mocha latte color, I was in a private room, and I had a flat screen tv. Then I saw my husbands face. He asked me how I was feeling and said I was still groggy. I was not allowed any food or drink until the next day. So around 8pm my mom and husband left and boy was I pushing my little button for "joy juice". The pain started in full force. It felt like someone punched and kicked me in the stomach about a million times. The nurse came in, gave me my shots and checked my vitals and then hauled my butt out of bed and helped me "waddle" down the hallway. After I got back in bed, I decided that the day should be over so I went to sleep and then woke up at 3 am when the fire alarm went off. And it beeped for over an hour and 45 mins. I just pushed my little happy black button and dozed off to sleep.

When I woke up at 6 am, I noticed all the little sounds that other patients make in their sleep: coughing, snoring, moaning, wheezing, and farting. Yeah, the patient across the room from me farted so many times I thought they had a fart machine in their room. And of course when someone farts you have to laugh, it's a law. And after having stomach surgery you CANNOT and I mean CANNOT laugh.

Around 9 am they took my down to x-ray and did a GI test. They had me drink this milky liquid that would light up my esophagus and my new "pouch". They wanted to make sure I didn't have any leaks or tears. Now being over 24 hours since I had anything to drink, my mouth drier than a sandstorm in the Sierra Desert. The milky liquid that they gave me to drink was nasty but oh so good at the same time. Also I got to see my new pouch on the x-ray machine when it was lit up and it was really cool and really small. I was impressed. After they told me I didn't have any leaks or tears, they told me that I was now allowed water and low sugar liquids (can you hear the angels sing?). I was so excited to get my first glass of ice chips that I chomped and chomped until my husband got there at 6pm. And what happens when you chomp on a lot of ice. Yep, thats right, you pee. And pee I did. And because they took out my catheter earlier I got real sick and tired of being sick and tired.

It seemed like every 20 mins I was getting up (which was not a pleasant experience) and going to the bathroom. Also when I was able to have a BM (nurse language for bowel movement) I had to have help in the paper department. I have never been so embarrassed. I am thankful that I am now able to take care of that issue (or should I say tissue..ha ha ha) by myself.

The next day was go home day. I was so excited and was so ready. Now my surgeon told me that he would come see me at from 10-12. So my husband took the day off work and we sat around and waited for the surgeon to come to release me. Now, we saw 12 come and go and then 1 come and go. Finally around 2 he finally came and I was having a little issue with shoulder pain. He wanted me to stick around to make sure that that went away. Now the shoulder pain, I was expecting that from the anesthesia. But what I was not expecting was the gas pain in my stomach. And the liquid bm's I was having (yeah, gross but I told you I am brutal honest). I was more or less tired of being sick. So my husband and I waited around some more.

Now the surgeon said he would come back in about 2-3 hours. That was around 2. After I saw the surgeon my regular doctor came in and saw me and told me that my sugar (diabetes) was doing great so he took me off my meds (hear the angels again? I did). And the nurse came back in, gave me more shots and told me that a doctor would be in to take out my tubing (see photo). I thought I was getting close to leaving. But no, I was so wrong. Around 4 pm the doctor came and took out my tubing and he told me it would not hurt, but it would feel funny. Now imagine this, imagine a foot long tube the size of a large straw is in your stomach wrapped around intestines and a doctor starts pulling it out real fast. Now he was right, it didn't hurt but none the less, it made me nauseous and it felt like he was moving my intestines around. Yeah, I still get like phantom feelings of it if I think about it. Now when I look at my stomach I have a hole in it and it looks like a big worm hole. Gross but cool. I have to keep it covered with gauze so I don't get anything in it. So after that I was determined to take a shower. I had all my IV's out and my incisions were glued together so I was ready to go. It felt so good to be sitting under that shower. I sat in there for quite a while and the reason why I know I was in there for a while is because both my husband and my nurse came in and checked on me.

But then at 9 pm the surgeon walked in. Now remember when I told you when he informed us that he would be back in 2-3 hours and that was around 2. Yeah, at 9 PM he finally came in and asked me (yeah asked me) if I wanted to go home or stay another night. Now, I was sitting on my bed with my bags next to me and I had go home clothes on. What in the heck was he thinking?!?!?!?! I told him that I was ready to go over 5 hours ago. He said he was stuck in surgery. (yeah, that's what they all say). Anyway, finally I was getting to go home.

On the ride home, I was not expecting the pain. Every time the truck dipped or hit a pot hole or a crack in the road, I was ready to hit the roof. I was holding my "squeeze" pillow to my tummy to hold it in (yeah, it helped a lot honestly). When we got home it was around 11 pm. I was exhausted and ready for bed. I went upstairs (stairs are no problem) and went right to bed and guess what....I woke up at exactly 6 am.

I have learned a few things since having surgery that may help you others getting ready to have surgery or are wanting to have surgery.
1. When you get up out of bed or out of a chair, pretend you are pregnant and go stomach first and use your thigh muscles instead of stomach muscles.
2. When you fart, please remember that it may not be just air, some other stuff may come out too.
3. Take your pain medications on time or you will pay for it.
4. Before you go in for surgery, make sure you put on chapstick. When they put the tube down your throat it keeps your mouth open for the duration of your surgery and it will keep your lips from being chapped.
5. Don't laugh real hard. You may pee a little.
6. Every time you get up, hold your "squeeze" pillow to your tummy. It does help.
7. Walk at least 10 mins every hour. It helps with gas and also with blood clots. But mostly with gas. If you have the laproscopic surgery they fill your belly with air to be able to see your intestines and move around with the utensils.
8. Do your breathing exercises when you get back from walking. It will make it so much easier to breath. And sit up when you do them. Laying down makes it much harder to breath.
9. Sip slowly and don't have anything real cold or real hot. Luke warm is good enough for now.
10. Things to take to the hospital: shampoo, conditioner, lotion, deodorant (you smell real bad after surgery), go home clothes, face wash, chapstick, a wooden spoon or salad tongs (to wipe your hiney. you won't ever use them again though), and vasaline (the hospital is very dry, you will have to put this up your nose to not have nose bleeds. Apparently the hospital does not believe in the humidifiers.)

So now that I have been home for a couple of days and my mom has been with me for that couple of days, I have realized that I am glad that I had surgery. Not only is my mom helping me get my energy back but she is cleaning my house and putting up my decorations that I have yet (I have lived here for over 3 years) to put up.

But another thing, people are going to treat you like a child. They (my husband and mother) come in the living room where I am camped out and tell me, "do your breathing", "sip...sip". Last night I was getting ready for bed and I asked my husband for the 2 teaspoons of my liquid pain meds and he asked me kinda haughty "are you sure you need 2 teaspoons, won't 1 teaspoon do you?" I practically came unglued. I informed him that I just had stomach surgery and my stomach was cut in half and sewn shut and then sewn to my intestine. Now if he wanted to live through the night and not be smothered with a pillow he would bring me 2 teaspoons of diluted pain medication. He did bring me the 2 teaspoons. He lived. I have now informed them to ask me nicely if I did my breathing exercises and if I have walked and not the second guess me and ask me if I am lying. Remind them that the only person that it is going to hurt is you and not them.

But I am going to end this now and will post the pictures of my surgery once I get my mom's camera. Probably tomorrow. Hope you are still awake.

I am still learning

2009-02-20T00:46:00.002-05:00

Okay so I now that I know how to add videos here is the Ralphie May video for you to enjoy.

New Fat Blog I Found

2009-02-17T22:46:00.003-05:00

I was looking for more fat girl blogs and found a great one. Go check this one out http://www.bfdblog.com/ ..some of it is hilarious...In one part they were talking about “Deep Fried Peanut Butter-Covered Brownie Wrapped In Cookie Dough” and “French Fry-Encased Hot Dog On A Stick.” Now since I am on a liquid diet for another 4 days...some of this sounds pretty good. Now I know that you may think this sounds totally disgusting, but you try being on a liquid diet for almost 2 weeks, you would eat shit covered oreos. Well, maybe I went a little too far with that one. Sorry.

Now, on to another topic. Have you ever been on a diet and when you watch tv you practically come out of your skin when the food commercials come on? I am right now sitting in my husband's recliner and we are watching Ralphie May the comedian on Comedy Central. Now he is one fat dude...and he is talking about this right now. His one joke about watching the cooking shows like he was watching porn and he is saying, "yeah, you are a dirty little chocolate covered...." I am gonna try to find the video for it and load it on here. You will shit yourself...it is hilarious!

Marilyn Monroe Wannabe!!!

2009-02-17T21:48:00.002-05:00

This is my favorite picture. She has perky boobs and slim hips. This is what I want to look like after this is all said and done. I want to be able to have a white swimsuit on that does not cut off the circulation to my legs and when I take it off I have lines on my ass where the swimsuit was too tight. I want to be on a sandy beach with the wind blowing my hair and I want to be total carefree like she looks. One of these days I tell you. And when I do, I am gonna post my picture for all the world to see. Yeah, you'll be jealous as hell I know it.

These past couple of days I have told a few more family members and friends that I am having the surgery. And all they come back with are horror stories of friends or family members who have died or have complications still to this day. A customer actually had the balls to tell me that if I didn't go through with this surgery he would give me a free life membership to his health club. I practically laughed in his face and told him that if he was really nice he would help me get toned after I had the surgery. He said no. Damn him. Anyway, I am prepared for this surgery. I know the complications and I am taking all the precautions for the surgery. I will be in the hospital for 2 days if I am a good girl. About an hour after surgery I will have to get my ass out of bed and walk around. I will have to have injections in my stomach for two weeks after surgery for blood clots. I know that I could die from having this surgery and you know what...I am okay with that. I understand that, but I could also die from being fat. Either way I could die, but at least I know and my family will know that I have tried everything. I did Atkins (that is bullshit...you can only eat so much meat before you start moo'ing and oinking yourself), South Beach (no fucking beach included..bastards), Slimfast (I didn't get slim...fast. They need to change their name), Weight Watchers (yeah, I love to carry around a little slider when I go to the market and writing on each box of food how many "points" are in each serving, and then I have to count how many points I ate for that day...I totally suck at math and I got so pissed off at my slider at the market that I threw it down and did a little dance on it.), and I also did Optifast (expensive and what they don't tell you is that once you start eating real food again, all your weight comes back plus ummm I would say a hundred more). So now I am back to either watching what I eat (yea, watch it as it goes in my mouth) and count calories (did I mention suck at math) or having this surgery. Now I know I will still have to watch what I eat, but the great thing is I won't have to deal with a constantly hungry stomach and always feeling like I am starving. I wonder what it is like to feel full. I haven't felt full in a long time. I am so looking forward to feeling full.

Well Happy Birthday to Me!

2009-02-16T21:22:00.005-05:00

Okay so exactly a week from today I am having a surgery that is going to change my life. I am having bariatric surgery at St. Vincent Charity Hospital in Cleveland and I am rip roaring ready to go. Right now I weigh 396 lbs. Yeah, I am a cow. And I can admit it. I was in the doctor's office a week ago and I was talking with a case manager and she was telling me that I should write a book with all my little quips and stories that I tell them. I get them cracking up all the time in the office. I guess I am not afraid to make fun of myself. Now, I don't like to make fun of myself but I would rather do it then have someone else do it. I like people laughing with me instead of at me. I've always learned that if you are fat, you better be funny. So I guess I am a regular comedian. But what people don't realize is how much it hurts. I am tired of being tired and having no energy. I am always cranky. I am afraid I can't have kids. And even if I could have kids, I don't have the energy to keep up with them. I am tired of being embarrassed. And skinny people just don't realize what it's like. For skinny people here is what our life is like. When I go out to eat with my husband, I check out the restaurant before going in. I look in the window to see if they have tables and what the chairs look like. I am praying on the way in and praying that the chairs to the tables do not have arms. Arms on chairs are a fat persons enemy. The worst thing is trying to squeeze your fat ass in a chair and trying to be comfortable enough to eat. As my husband and I go up to the host to seat us, they always ask if we want a booth or table. Now I always am polite when I say "table, please." But I am thinking, "Bitch please, you see that my ass and stomach are not going to fit in no damn booth. You just want to make me feel bad." I am so looking forward to eating in a booth. I just can't wait. I also have noticed that when we go out my husband now watches for fat dangers (what I like to call them). He makes sure that when we go to the movie theater we go to the one that has the lift up arm rests. He knows what restaurants I feel comfortable in. One of the most surprising events in my life was when I was dancing and I caught myself in a mirror. The DJ that played our wedding is also one of our best friends. We have also made a bunch of friends with his "followers". We all follow him to each of his gigs. Well at one of his gigs I was dancing with our friends and I saw what others saw in a mirror. I was horrified. It brought tears to my eyes. I sat down and that was the last time I got up and danced. Now I get up and do line dances but after they are done, I sit right back down. My friends have asked me why I don't dance and I just give them the excuse that I am tired or my feet hurt from being on them all day at work. I feel bad. I do get up to slow dance with my husband because that's the only time I feel close to him. I sometimes feel as though this weight is keeping us apart. Not only has it expanded me, but it has expanded the distance between us. I told my husband to watch out for me after I have surgery. I am never going to sit down. I will be a dancing machine. I love to dance. Now don't get me wrong. I have a very beautiful face. But the neck down is a disaster. My husband has told me that he has noticed a couple of men checking me out and staring at me. Now I sometimes notice it and it has two effects on me, flattered and uncomfortable. Flattered that someone thinks I am pretty besides my husband and uncomfortable that someone thinks I am pretty and was staring at me. I hate it when people stare at me, I am always thinking they are wondering how I ended up so fat or making fun of me in their head. Yeah, I do have some crazy tendencies. But as this week goes, I am getting crazier and crazier. I had to start a liquid diet that is driving me crazy. It is called Optifast and I have 5 shakes a day, each shake is 8 ounces and chocolate is the only one that I can choke down. And for dinner I have a lean quisine. I am starving. But if I can make it through this until Feb 22nd when I have to do my milk of magnesia and until Feb 23 when I have surgery, I can make it through anything. Many people have asked me if I am scared of surgery and I tell them, not yet. But wait until they start to wheel me in the surgery room and I will probably be asking for my mommy. But as I think of this long journey, I will try to think of each day as a new beginning. Each day brings new change in myself and my body. And I can't wait to see and experience each change.

This is the beginning of my new life

2009-02-16T17:28:00.000-05:00

So by starting this blog, I am going to tell you about myself and how I got myself into this predicament. Yeah, I said how I got myself into this predicament. No one shoveled food and candy into my mouth, I did it all by myself. And now I am getting myself set to get myself out of it and having learned my lesson I am hoping that this blog helps others too. This is a journey of my life from fat to fabulous starting today Febuary 16th, which happens to be my 29th birthday.

I was born in a small town in Ohio on a cold day on Febuary 16th, 1980 to Bill and Susan Clime. I have an older sister, Jenny, who I always looked up to much to her demise. I was a normal healthy child. Back to my oldest memories I remember always running everywhere. I loved to run. I would run back and forth from the barn to the house (did I mention I grew up on a farm). I am so looking forward to running again. Now, I get short of breath just thinking of running. I spent a lot of time with with babysitters as both my parents held full time jobs. The Kirby's molded me into what I am today. My morals and values come from them as they were not just my babysitters, they were my Sunday school teachers and more or less "grandparents". I remember on my first day of kindergarten my mom and dad put me on that big yellow school bus and being so nervous until the school day ended. I had a note from my mom that on most days I was to be dropped off at Kirby's house. However, my teacher must have thought everyday I was to be dropped off at Kirbys because on that special day when my parents were waiting at the end of our driveway waiting to hear about my first big day, I was making the long walk up the seemingly endless driveway up to Kirb's house. No one was expecting me at Kirbs house. Boy were my parents worried and a little upset that they didn't get to see me get off the school bus for the first time. I was always a very active child, I would rather be outside than in. On rainy days I would go stir crazy. I didn't start to gain weight until I was in at least 2nd or 3rd grade. The big turning point in my life was when my parents seperated. My sister then turned into my babysitter and I did what she did. We would get out of school, go back to our apartment and sit infront of the television and watch MTV. From years on then I would continue to gain weight until I was in high school when I went on a liquid diet and lost around 100 lbs. It was near the end of my junior year that I started the liquid diet and it went all the way through until I started college. I remember on my first day back to school my senior year I was walking down the hallway and a girl that I had went through all my school years with introduced herself to me and I looked at her and said, "Amanda, it's me Katey." She could hardly believe herself. I had the best year of all my school years that senior year. I was more confident in myself and I joined more activites and made more friends and was not afraid to be myself. When I started college that following September 2008 at Bowling Green State University I was not fat but not skinny. I thought of myself as a normal college kid. I was so excited and I meet so many new people. I started to realize that funny saying about the "college 15" meant for me the "college 50" . I was so dissapointed in myself. One weekend when I came home to visit my parents I went up town and went "lapping" with friends. I meet a guy. ( I will make this short and simple). I ended up leaving Bowling Green moving back in with my parents and trying to make a family with him and his daughter. Yeah, as you guessed it...it didn't work in the biggest way. It was a very emotional abusive relationship. I didn't have any self worth, no self confidence and I was so nervous to be by myself in my house and I couldnt even take a shower in the house with out someone else being in the house with me. Still to this day I can't stand silence. I have to have some noise in the background. I wasted 3 years of my life with him and I will not spend another minute more on him. When I finally left him I then started to pick up the pieces of my life. I moved back in with my parents again and started to get better grades in school. I changed my major to Social Work from Education and I had big dreams of helping other women like me get out of bad relationships. I soon moved to Columbus to the main campus of Ohio State University. While I lived in Columbus all my hard work of gaining confidence and self esteem went right down the toilet. I became a recluse in my little one room apartment. I rarely went to class and lived for the weekend when I went home. I started to realize with myself that I needed to move back with my parents and change colleges to Marion Technical College. When I started at Marion Technical College I started a new life. I started getting straight "A's" and really caring about my grades and was making new friends that I had things in common with. When I finally graduated in May 2005 I had a grade point average of 3.9 I was a straight A student and had completed 3 studies of where I worked in the field. I was loving life. I was also in love with the man of my dreams. I met him online in March and was so nervous about meeting him in person and not liking me for who I am. His name is Kristian and boy was I smitten. His profile picture was him holding an ice cream cone. In his profile he told me that he was a manager of a Dairy Queen and I thought to myself, "perfect...free ice cream for life!" I was heavy by then and weighed around (gulp) 350 lbs. He and I talked on the phone for about a month before I agreed to meet him. On April 2nd he drove from Cleveland to Mansfield to pick me up and he drove me back to Cleveland and took me to which is now my favorite resturant, Pickwick and Frolic, and then took me to Hilarites the comedy club. I had the best "first date" ever. Well it just so happened that we had a freak snow storm that day and we got more than 7 inches of snow and he drove me back to Mansfield and then drove back home. What I realized when I was driving home from the date was that I was shocked that I felt so comfortable with him. I actually fell asleep on the way home. I had never done that before! I was always on the lookout for potential disasters and accidents and always preferred to drive to feel more in control. I remember telling my mom when I got home that he was going to be someone very special in my life. Boy, what I didn't know! He eventually came to be my best friend, my soul mate, and my husband. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would trust someone and love someone so completely. I am so comfortable with him that I don't mind taking my clothes off infront of him and don't mind letting him having control and letting him decide. I now have someone that I can laugh with and share my dreams with. We got married on a breezy beautiful day, August 26th, 2006. It was the best day of my life. Since that day I have put on more weight and I am now at the heaviest I have been in my entire life. I am so dissapointed in myself for letting me get this way or should I say weigh...I have tried many years to have the bariatric surgery and I am finally getting my dream. I am so ready and pumped for the long journey ahead. So I am starting this blog for family members and friends to stay in touch and see how I am doing on this journey. I am also doing this blog for new friends to learn and see how losing weight will change your looks but your beauty on the inside. So welcome to my journey from fat to fabulous!