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What A Wasted Day

So today I was off work. Since I worked the weekend and it literally kicked my arse (cute little word for ass), I felt the need to not do a darn thing but watch tv all day. Well now I feel like crap that I've wasted a whole day on the tv show Criminal Minds.
I did leave the house this morning to go to the bank and take books back to library, but then came home and went straight to the couch. Now I am hating myself that I didn't at least take a shower or change my clothes. Ugh. I am a waste of space.
I wish I could go back to this morning and do this day over. When I left this morning, I saw that the sun was shining out and it was a glorious day, and I even thought to myself, "I should go for a walk", but did I it. Nope. I was a lazy couch bum all day. And I wonder why I am having a weight loss platueu. Well now I know. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully I will be in a better mood.

My New Exercise Plan

So I turned 30 on Febuary 16th and I told my husband I wanted only 2 things for my birthday. I wanted a new Coach purse (which to me is sometimes better than diamonds), and I wanted the Wii game system so that I could work out at home.

Well besides surprising me with a birthday party I got both my wishes. My coach purse is in the mail as we speak and my husband came home from work yesterday with a big box that contained my Wii. Needless to say I was estatic.

So today being my day off work I have been scouring the internet trying to find the best workout video for my money. I have found 3 that I would like but I am needing some advice on which one to get. The three that I am stuck between are the Wii Fit, Your Shape with Jenny McCarthy, and Wii Active.

With the Wii Fit I am nervous about the balance board. Yeah going back to my fat complex I imagine myself stepping up on it and it crushing like dust underneath my feet.  I am also nervous that it would be too hard for me since I am just beginning working out.

With the Your Shape, I like the fact that it has the camera to track your actions to make sure you  are doing the exercises right. But then again I hope it does not have me turning my body into a pretzel to "feel the burn".

And last but not least the Wii Active. I have not heard a lot about this one. Just that it has many exercises and tracks your progress.

So basically what I am trying to find is a workout game that will track my progress, be easy enough that me as a beginner will have no problem keeping up with it, be fun, and of course to kick my flabby butt.

I am open to suggestions and comments. If you have had these games or have ever worked out to them, please comment to me which one and how it worked out for you. Thanks so much for all your help!

One Year Ago Today

Today is my one year anniversary of having gastric bypass. When I woke up this morning I thought of all the things I have learned over this critical year. I did a little research on the internet today to help me put my thoughts into words. Some of these I have found and I thought they worked perfectly and some of these are mine.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. When I’m having a bad day and I am ready to throw in the towel, I somehow find the strength the keep going. Lately, I have hit a weight loss plateau. So instead of letting it get me down, I am finding a way to get past it.

I’ve learned that to win you must first lose, and that when you lose you sometimes win. This one is pretty much self explanatory. In the game of weight loss, losing is winning. However, it is one of the longest games in history and you can win and lose at the same time.

I’ve learned how to believe in myself. If I didn’t believe in myself I would have been setting myself up for failure.

I've learned that it is a hundred times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place. I love chocolate, but it does not love me. I know now that if I have milk, I will be sicker than a high school drunk girl after her first alcohol feast. Plus I hate working out, that is until I get my Wii.

I've learned you never have to deal with more than one moment at a time. It all comes down to baby steps. Deal with one thing at a time.

I've learned that nobody has it all figured out. Not even doctors have it all figured out. Each person is different. One way may work for me, but may be a disaster to you. But try each way and see what works best for you. Support groups are great, but when they shove things down my throat then I get turned off and become that rebellious teenager and will do the exact opposite of what you've said just to piss you off.

I've learned that words are immensely powerful. One cruel remarks can wound someone for life. And that a million compliments will not erase one criticism. Here's a short story for you...One day at work when I was still fat, I was working with a customer who was a little overweight. She was nice and bubbly and fun to work with as was her mom who was with her. As I went to exchange information in her cell phones for her behind a wall, I overheard her tell her mom that she was embarrassed to work with me because I was so fat and she wished she would have worked with one of the cute boys. I was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe that someone who on the verge of being my size if she didn't straighten up would say something like that. I was so embarrassed. I finished my job with her and let her go without a word. Well, just the other day at work low and behold guess who walks in the door again at work. And let me tell you...she is now bigger than I was at my biggest. She didn't recognize me at all even when I greeted her by her name. I was now the party on the other side of the table. As she was walking around the showroom floor I noticed something about her. She was unhappy. She didn't smile at all and had a hard look to her. I felt sorry for her. I know what it's like to be in her shoes. Even though now I have lost a lot of weight and everyone compliments me on how I look great now, I will never forget how I felt when I overheard all the nasty things people have said over the years. It's what keeps me going.

I've learned that nothing – ever - happens like you pictured it. I used to have these fairytale pictures in my head on how things would turn out. Yeah, never does. I know now to expect the best and the worst out of situations and to accept how it turns out.

I've learned that when your break promises to yourself, you feel terrible. When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself. On Monday I promise I will start working out. No, maybe Tuesday. Oh well crap. I now know to call them goals.

I've learned that life is a precious gift, love is a wonderful gift, and laughter is a glorious gift. So live life to the fullest, love with all your heart, and laugh as much as you breath. I make each moment count. I love to laugh and I live my life to the fullest.

I've learned that nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised that it'd be worth it. Having gastric bypass was not the easy way out. I have to live with my decision every day. But it was the best decision for me and buddy was it worth it! I love the fact that I am satisfied with little food and I am not tied to the dinner table anymore.

I've learned that everyone experiences the same moment differently.

I’ve learned that sometimes it hurts to look back and see how far you’ve come. Today as I was looking back through my fat pictures I was assaulted by many emotions; anger, embarrassment, ashamed, and sad. I was angry at myself that I didn't see then what I was doing to myself. I was embarrassed because I let myself get that big and was blind to the fact that I was killing myself. And sad because I should have had surgery earlier and I could have walked down the aisle to my husband on our wedding day skinner and would have wedding pictures on our wall now instead of artwork.

I’ve learned that even though you may be in the fast lane and speeding along, you will eventually come to a traffic jam and come to a dead stop. Weight loss plateaus happen you just have to realize that you're in a rut. You have to get up and get moving to get that scale moving again.

I’ve learned that even though I may be skinner, I will always have a fat complex. Even after losing 160 pounds, I still feel fat. I still have nightmares that I won't fit into that movie theater seat. I still to this day buy my clothes looser so that I have room to grow. And then I get pissed off at myself when I leave the store. I am slowly working on this complex and one day will beat the bitch down.

When someone is smirking, giggling, or outright mocking you, they aren’t really doing it to single you out… they’re doing it because it makes them feel better about themselves. Self-esteem people is a kill all. Eveyone has it. But what people need to realize is that there are 2 kinds of self-esteem, low and high and it's the balance that we all should strive for.

I’ve learned that I hated being fat. For most of my childhood and all throughout my teens and all the way into my 20's I was fat. I was made fun of, ridiculed, and chastised for being fat. And it was all my fault. No one shoved food into my mouth, I did it all on my own. I know whats it like to be fat and it's a bitch. It's not fun. You never feel good. You feel sluggish all day and you are always tired. It down right sucks. That's why I know now I will never let myself get back to being fat.

I've Been Around

Sorry have been gone for so long. I have been around, just not on here. I have been trying to focus on work, life, and more or less just trying to survive. More or less what I'm trying to say is that I just have not been in that great of a mood. And it really sucks since it is Christmas time and I am trying to hard to be in the jolly mood. Well, fuck that. I'm in a piss poor mood and I have been trying to shield you of that. Well, it's not working.

So let's begin on why I'm in such a shitty mood. Let's start on the obvious. My job. I work in retail and I work directly face to face with customers. And I swear to God some people wake up in the morning and think to themselves, "I'm gonna go to ---- and act like a jackass." It's like peoples brains have melted and leaked out of their freakin' ears. I have never had so many assholes and pricks, (and yes, women can be labeled as an asshole or prick), as I've had this season. I understand that the economy is bad. Oh, believe me...I understand. Just ask to look at my bills. But for the love of God!!!! Just because you dropped a call does not mean that I need to give you a free phone and a month of service for free. Get real! Go blow it up your ass. And don't even let me start about some of the people I work with. Yikes! That is another whole blog. (As you can tell...I had a horrible day and just wanted to share.)

Now let's go onto a more appropriate subject for the title of this blog. I am proud to annouce that I have so far lost a total of 148 pounds. Yay for me!!! I don't fit in any of my clothes and I am so loving it. I love it that my clothes hang on me and people say to me, "Katey it looks like you are wearing a tent." I have told my family to not buy me clothes for Christmas because they won't fit me by my birthday in Febuary. Which by the way I will be turning 30 and I am so not looking forward to that. I can only handle so much and right now my job, my weight loss, and Christmas pretty much have my nerves to tied up right now it looks like they won't ever untangle.

So onto Christmas. What in the hell was I thinking when I decided to have not one, but 2 Christmas parties this year. I must have been drunk. Or asleep when my husband asked to have a party with his old coworkers. So since mid October, my husband has been painting like a fool. For the past year we have been trying to finish the trim and stairway in our livining room. But we are lazy fools. When we come home from work we sit in front of the boob tube and veg out. I am impressed by how much energy my husband has and how much he has accomplished. I just wish that I had enough energy to help him. Yet, back again to my job...it just sucks the life out of me. Oh well, January 2nd will come soon enough.

Fat People Have Feelings Too

Lately, I have been doing very good with my self esteem and self confidence. And then today happened. I don't understand how some people think that they can give unsolicited advice. So here is what happened.

I was at work and we were busier than Wal-Mart on black Friday selling $20 PlayStations, and I get this real ass wipe of a customer. I go up to him, introduce my name, and he starts telling me his whole life story. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind to listening, but please keep it to the matter at hand.

So by now I am researching this customers account and of course the store is packed and very loud. Didn't help any matters that next to my customer was a couple arguing over who was going to get the upgraded cell phone. ( I love it when wives call their husbands bastards in my store...makes my day). Now apparently I was not reading fast enough because this customer decided to give me a tip. Now these are his exact words. "Katey, write this down. You will want to remember it. Apple. Cider. Vinegar. Pills. They will help you loose those extra pounds you have carrying around. I take them and all my cravings for food went away." Now, as I am listening to this customer say this to me, I am just shocked. I can't believe my ears. I kept thinking, "when did we get on my weight and what gives this guy the balls to even suggest a tip on losing weight to me?" And then my favorite thought crossed my mind. I thought, "how bad can I fuck up this guys account?"

So I calmly locked my computer. Put my hand up in front of the customer to stop his rambling. And politely informed him of this, "Sir, I appreciate your concern over my weight and I do apologize if I offend you in any way. However, in February I had the gastric bypass, and not like it's any of your business, but since then I have lost 115 pounds. I am sure you have heard of this surgery. Now I would appreciate if we could get back to the matter at hand. And by the way,  I wouldn't take any more of those pills if I were you. I heard they cause erectile dysfunction." And I calmly walked to the door that leads to the back room.

I can still feel the fire. I am still so mad at some stupid old man who made a silly little comment to me that was totally unsolicited. He had no right. When I got home this evening and told my husband, he told me to let it go. However, the more and more I thought of it, the more and more I got pissed. How can any human not realize that saying something like that would cause them harm. It hurt my feelings. I harbored this all day. I let him win.

One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt and she once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I have ran that quote in my mind ever since it happened. I pretty much gave him consent and let him get to me. Damn him. I let him effect my whole day. Damn him! May he have diarrhea for a whole day. The really runny kind that burns your asshole.

My Lousy Life and Other Rantings

So here I am at work havin a shit ton day. Now just to fill you in, I work for a cellular company as a customer service representative. Now most days I enjoy my job, but lately it seems to be a drag. Customers have been real bitches and assholes lately. They act like it is their right to get something, or in most cases everything, free. And they love to yell at me for the littlest thing.
I am currently doing the greeting shift. What is greeting you ask? Ever walked into Wal-Mart and have a geriatric say "welcome to Wal-Mart!" Well that is what I am doing for my company right now. Every single customer immediately hates me. Why? Cause I ask them in nice terms, "what the hell do you want now?" And then let the bitching begin. So on this particular occasion a lady walks in and I ask her the famous question and she takes a deep breath and begins yelling at me about how her husband hates his phone and wants a different one. So then I politely ask her if she brought the box and cables that came with the phone in with her to exchange the phone. (Here comes the funny part). She gives me a look of pure shit and says, "they didn't tell me that I would need it when I called customer support. You all are fu*king assholes I swear!". So you can see my temptation from my next comment. I sweetly ask her, "Miss what store have you ever been able to return an item without the box and original receipt?" Now get this..she doesn't get mad or angry..she laughs. She tells me while laughing and walking out the door that she will be back with the box.
I just don't get people anymore. Maybe I need to get out of retail aspect of the job force. But what jobs are out there now? Now don't get me wrong, I love the company I work for and I cannot see myself leaving anytime soon, but I would love to go back to college and finish my degree for education.
Another thing that just pisses me off about my job is that just today they changed my scheduled hours. My schedule used to be 10-7 everyday and now they moved it to 11-8. Now you are probably thinking, "it's just an hour difference. " But most days I drive an hour to work, so that means I am working the whole freakin day. Just pisses me off.
Of course with working retail, I work retail hours, and that just blows. Don't even talk to me around Christmas time. That is my dreaded holiday.
But what is a girl to do? I am just gonna suck it up, pull up my big girl panties and do it. I am gonna be like the Nike slogan "Just do it". And hopefully a great job opportunity will present itself. Or I will win the lottery. Yeah right, in my dreams.
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