Friday, March 27, 2009
So I am doing a little update for you on how I am doing. Well, I am proud to say that I have lost 44 lbs and I am now at 360. I am a little disappointed that I haven't lost more. I was at 369 on March 9th and I am like WTF! (Mom and Martha I am trying to clean up my language...just for you...but don't expect much! :) Ha ha ha).
Anyway, today was a good day. I didn't get to bed until 4:30 this morning because I was just not tired. Ever have one of those nights, where you are just too wired too sleep and your brain will not shut off? You lay in bed listening to your husband snore and wish that you were asleep so you didn't have to listen to him. (Well it would work for you if you have a husband that snores...just go along with me okay?) So I stayed up and Googled every freakin website out there for baby showers. I am having one for my sister hopefully in July if she can make it. (Crossing my fingers).
But back to my day...I woke up at 10:30 and my brain kickstarted like an old Ford truck. You know the ones that have the muffler broken and it's really loud. So loud that I was praying for coffee to magically appear in the shower. And while you are wondering on that...Yes, I have drank coffee in the shower. I am a diehard coffee drinker.
Standing under the sizzling spray of boiling water in the shower, I started my agenda for today. Drop off library books (hope that they are not past due), try a snack wrap from McDonald's and see how it goes down (Yep just call me the Gambler), get gas, go to work and pick up my new cell phone and visit my peeps whom I have missed terribly, go to bank and request new atm card cause my is jacked up, get nails done, pick up new contacts, ship my brother-in-laws jacket that somehow ended up in my truck, also ship Mallory's Easter bag of treats (which included a chicken that poops bubble gum....AWESOME!!! she will love it!). So I have a full day.
Did I get it all done? Nope. But I did get most of it done. I didn't realize how much I missed my peeps at work. I walked in and felt love. Now just to give you a little backgroud on me....if I don't see you for a while I pretty much squeal with delight at the sight of you face. I spent most of my afternoon there. Catching up on gossip and looking at new phones and finding out the new policies that rolled out. I wanted to check my email but...what the heck..that can wait for another day. I also got my schedule and found out that I go back to work on April 8th. So the only thing I didn't get done was go to the bank. I guess that can wait for tomorrow.
*Highlights for today*
~Getting to read a juicy magazine at the nail salon.
~Seeing my peeps after 5 weeks. Getting a jump start on my sqealfest.
~Snack wrap from McDee's went down ggggoooooddddd. Could only eat half then saved rest for later.
***Listening to Jamey Johnson - She's All Lady******
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Adorable isn't she. It was nice to be able to relax and enjoy the weekend with my sister and learn some more stuff about the surgery from her since she had it two years ago. By the way, she is pregnant now with her second child. I am so excited. I secretly wish for her to have another girl. So that I may have the only boy in the family. I know I am going to hell for it. Oh well. Plus the fact that if they have a boy, her husband Sebastian wants to name him Frank for his father. Ummmm, yeah okay. Please dear God let it be a girl. Anyway, here's the funny part of the weekend..
As my mom are getting closer to the hotel that we are staying at my phone rings and it is my sister Jenny. Here is the coversation that we had:
Me: Hello, what's up?
Jenny: Can mom hear me?
Me: Umm no I don't think so why?
Jenny: Okay I am going to tell you and you have to prepare mom.
Me: Oh Jesus Christ. Now what?
(Mom in background..."What the hell now?")
Jenny: Okay Sebastian, Mallory and I are standing here at the front desk signing in and Sebastian starts to look around and asks me if a woman standing over at the banquet entrance is really a guy.
Jenny: Well, they are having a transgender/transvestite conference this weekend.
Me: Holy Shit.
(Mom in background..."What..what...whaaaaattttt?")
Jenny: So you have to prepare Mom so she doesn't freak out.
Me: Okay I will call you back later...(laughing so hard I have tears coming down my cheeks)
Jenny: K' Bye...
Here is the conversation with my mom
Me: Okay mom...
Mom: Just tell me...what now?
Me: Well....they are having a transgender/transvestite conference at our hotel this weekend.
Me: I gotta call Kristian
Mom: Your Mamaw is gonna love this! Shit I gotta call your dad!
So we get to the hotel and as I am driving around to find a parking spot, low and behold...there sitting on the steps with his/her legs open showing all his/her "stuff" is a lovely woman. Now I knew that it was a guy dressed as a woman, but apparently my mother had a hard time distinguishing. She kept asking me all the time, "Is that one?" While we were unloading the car with my 7 bags (yeah, fat people pack a lot..our underwear take up one bag....you know granny panties) my mom then looks at me with the upmost perplexed look on her face and she asks me, "What if they look at me and think that I am one?" I just about shit my pants right there in the parking lot.
Well, I was ready to give out some makeup tips and hair help. Let me tell you, I was disappointed. This must have been a starter transgender conference. Now imagine this...rusty red hair that is permed to the hilt and then brushed out, bright red painted lips, adam's apples, 5 o'clock shadow, salvation army hooker clothed, manly walking newbies. I just about threw up. I did a little in my mouth when my niece and I were in the pool and a "lady" walked in and had a one piece on and it showed a very "manly" package. All I can say is PLEASE SHAVE YOUR JUNK!!! If you are going to be it..be it all the way.
Anyway, as we were loading our stuff back into our car, a "couple" walked out and Mallory would not stop staring. And then they started kissing. And I am not talking about a little peck. I mean "get a room and start humping" kissing. Mallory looks at me and asks, "Those are really two guys right?" I then proceeded to cough on my apple juice and bring a little up my nose. It was great.
Then on our way home, my mom looks at me and says, "You know...that hotel should have warned us that they were having that conference this weekend." I looked at her and said, "Yeah mom, what they hell would they have said, "Umm, are you attending our transgender/transvestite conference that weekend?" Mom then said, "Well it would have been nice to let us know before hand instead of trying to figure out who was who." Okay mom.
(Please note: I am not sexist or racist. I love my gays just as much as you love yours. Just a funny moment in my life and telling it.)
So that was the great weekend. I had a blast with my niece and seeing my sister's growing belly. It was a nice relaxing weekend. Then we came home.
St. Patrick's Day was a good day then turn shitty. I was having major issues with hunger and then being full really fast. I could not decided what the hell I wanted to eat. And I was noticing that I would jump down your throat if you kept me from food. Well, my husband and I went out to see our friend Denny Michael's DJ in Avon Lake at a huge St. Patty's Day party. So off my husband and I go. We are being lovey dovey and we are just having a good time. Then we get to the party and I am getting really hungry. So I look at the menu and notice not a damn thing on there for me to eat. So I thought to myself, okay I will ask the waitress and see if they have applesauce, pudding, or cottage cheese. When I finally got one to come to our table she looked like she just ate a piece of shit and got some on her upper lip. Now I was once a waitress for 3 years and never in my waitressing career did I ever come to a table with a shitty look on my face. She didn't even say hello, what the fuck do you want, are you gonna order now, nothing...she just looked at me. So I asked her nicely if she had anything for me to eat...she said no...then I said okay I will just have the chicken...then she yells to everyone "WE ARE OUTTA CHICKEN". I then decided okay bitch I'm gonna go to taco bell and get some refried beans. So I stand up and ask my husband "where are the keys?" He gets mad that I am leaving to go to Taco Bell and I proceed to tell him that if she is gonna be a cunt (yeah don't like that word anymore than you but if you act like one, expect to get called one) then I am going to go to Taco Bell and get me some fu*kin beans and maybe some potatoes. He grabs my arm to keep my from leaving and I proceed to jerk my arm away from him and scream, "I am fu*kin' hungry let me go." And storm out and drive to Taco Bell. And then it happened....I stopped at Speedway and bought a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
Now, I lit one and stared at it and just inhaled the smoke which did smell like shit. And then I took a puff and waited. Nothing. Damn. I was so hoping for that feeling I used to get. Now if you smoke or have smoked you know what feeling I am talking about. That feeling of your blood slowing down and that light headed feeling. Now I have only done marijuana once with my sister and threw up so many times that I never wanted to do it again. But cigarettes...OH GOD! I loved smoking. I loved the feeling. I couldn't care less if I smelled or my clothes smelled. Or if I had bad breath. I loved that fast acting stress reliever. Now, I made the stupid mistake of telling my husband when I got back to the party. I know, I am a dumbass. Because he then proceeded to tell me that I am not smoking (he is telling me this while he is smoking a cigarette) and he is going to tell my doctor on Wednesday at my 3 week follow up. Now that made me stop and think. Damn...he is really going to do it. And by God...he did.
Wednesday, March 18th 3:00. Doctor Ben-Meir's office. My husband asks the doctor, "What is going to happen to her if she should smoke?" Dr. Ben-Meir replies, "Well, what happens is that she will get an ulcer and be in pain." Just freakin great. Now I don't anticpate smoking all the time, but at moments like when I really really really need one, I am gonna smoke one. Now a few can't hurt I am thinking. Or I will just do a Bill Clinton and not inhale. Ha ha ha...I wanna inhale so hard that I suck the cigarette right down in my lungs. Sorry, bad picture.
Anyway, while they are weighing me I notice that they have my starting weight at 396. I looked at my nurse and said that's not right. My starting weight was 404. The nurse looks at me like I am crazy and asks me, "So you want to be heavier?" I replied, "Well I would like the correct starting weight to be down." She replies, "Yeah, okay." I then proceed to call her dumb bitch under my breath.
Then my worst fear happens on March 21, 2009 at midnight. My beloved grandfather dies. Now I know that this is the best for him, but you know deep down you always wish that they will go back to the way they used to be. Tall, handsome, funny and full of life. Instead of delirous and just not all there. He would talk to plants and his socks. The last time I went to go see him was his birthday on March 7th. He asked every couple of minutes for us to put his bow tie on him and to get his commanders coat. We tricked him and told him that my Uncle John had it in his car and he was in Columbus for a masonic meeting. I thought it was funny then. Now that I look back I wish I would have stayed for a few more minutes and gave him one more hug and kiss. I also wish that I would have taken my mom up on the offer of a picture of me and him on his birthday. Now I try to look back on how he was and how he would want me to remember him. He could sing like an angel in church and how I would eat his carrot sticks at his work when my dad would take me up there to visit him on his lunch break. I can now think of him watching over me with my grandma now. Oh how he missed her so much. And how I will miss him. My heart aches and the tears just will not come. I wanted to share a picture of him. This was in 2006 at my cousin's wedding. He was so handsome in his suit.
I can hear him up in Heavin singing, "Just A Closer Walk With Thee" while holding Grandma's hand.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
(Note: I got most of these from eggface and I wanted to elaborate. Thanks eggface)
Having to take medications for diabetes and high blood pressure
Driving around the parking lots for hours waiting to get the perfect spot, you know, the very first one right after the handicap ones.
Going shopping with friends and only being able to buy purses and jewlery.
Going out to eat with family and friends and having to ask for a armless chair and heavenforbid if they sat us in a booth.
Going to concerts and not being able to fit into the t-shirts.
Being hot all the time and sweating for no reason. Sitting in a chair, taking a shower, driving…all sweating.
Narrow aisles in stores, hope to God that no one wanted to pass. It is so embarrassing to have to walk out of an aisle to let someone go by and then try again.
Weighing at the Dr. office and saying “oh we give you 3 pounds”. I don’t want you to give me 3 pounds.
Being limited to three clothing stores. (Lane “Giant”, Avenue, and Catherines)
Feeling as though my husband is not attracted to me anymore. It is hard to be a nympho and your husband not wanting it.
People analyzing what you order at restaurants. I am always thinking that servers are thinking, “Yea, order that and then say you want a diet pepsi…who are kidding.”
Dive bar bathrooms. Yea, I love to try to sit on a toilet seat that already touches the wall and then the toilet paper roll right on the other side touching the other side.
People always saying, "You have such a pretty face."
People alwasy saying, "Are you really gonna eat that?"
Walking by a group of teenagers and hoping they didn't make comments. (Funny story: I was once pumping gas and a carload of kids drove by and yelled “COW!” out of the window and apparently they were too busy looking at my fat butt that they didn’t stop at the stop light and they got hit. I laughed and thanked God for karma.)
Having pictures taken. If you take my picture it better be boob and up.
Having to special order my bridal gown. And having the lady tell me infront of a group of girls getting ready for prom that the reason why it was $300 more was because “that’s a lot more fabric honey.” I wanted to shank her.
The chairs with the attached desks at college.
Not fitting on roller coasters and amusement rides.
Popping a rib out of socket to get my toenails painted
Worrying when I heard a creak in a chair. (Funny story: My husband and I were at a bar with those small white chairs with the metal legs. Well, I sat sideways to get a better picture of my friends and I bent the legs on the chair. My husband saw it and he got me out of it real quick and I just left it. It ended up with my friend sitting in it that is small and he thought that he did it. Priceless.)
Seatbelts. And these damn new cars that beep non stop if both front seat passengers don’t buckle in.
Old-fashioned movie theater seats. I can only go to certain movie theaters that have the lift up armrests. I usually call before hand to make sure. Last time I went to a movie that didn’t have them, I ended up with such a bruise on my hips that I actually bruised my hip bone. Fun times.
Stadium seating. When my husband and I go to Indian’s games I sit for half the game and get my ass bruises and then the other half of the game I sit in the picnic area and watch the game on the tv. When my husband won tickets to a Cav’s playoff game I was hell bent and determined to go. We got there late and the game had already started. It was sold out. I had never seen so many people. We had club seats and as we are being ushered down to our seats I was praying like I never prayed before. When I went to sit down I was so relieved to find that my ass “juuuusssttt” fit. I didn’t get up until it was time to leave.
Packing a small getaway bag is impossible. 2 garments took up the whole bag. So for one weekend I have 3 bags and then having my friends saying, “you know we are only going away for a weekend right?”
Last dress I wore was my wedding dress. I so want to wear a pretty summery dress.
Never getting a piggy back ride or being swept off my feet. I so can’t wait until my husband can pick me up and carry me.
Dressing rooms. I hate going into a dressing room and trying on clothes. I end up sweating so much that the clothes then stick to me. I think they turn up the heat on fat chicks.
Slow dancing with my husband and not being able to have his arms around me all the way.
Shorts. No one wants to see a fat chick in shorts. But when I did wear them and then got into a hot car with leather seats I heard the hiss of searing flesh and then smelling the faint scent of bacon.
Small cars. Yeah I love your new car but I don’t want a ride. I don’t want to have to contort myself and have my knees up to my tits. Its like an elephant sitting in a Volkswagen beetle.
Sitting in a backseat of a car and someone pulling up next to the car and saying, “hey I think your tire is flat.”
Getting into my car and do the lean and pull. You know...lean over so your butt has room to pull the door shut.
I can probably think of a dozen more and will probably add them later. Thanks to eggface again.
Sooooo I have been having some issues with eating. I just can't seem to get any food in. I eat about 500 calories a day and about 30g of protein. Now I am supposed to be on 1000 calories and 50-60g of protein. So I am going to start trying some of the protein shakes that eggface has on her site. Wish me luck.
Now I am so excited for this weekend. Bright and early on Saturday morning my mom and I are leaving for Harrisburg, PA to meet up with my sister Jenny, and my niece Mallory. We are going to stay overnight and come back on Sunday. My sister has a bunch of clothes for me since she herself had the WLS (weight loss surgery) two years ago. I am excited to get new clothes because, YEA! I am now down a size. My size 28/30's are big. Anyway, we are staying at a hotel that has a pool and I am so excited to swim with my niece again. I am just excited to see them again since the last time I saw them it was a year ago.
Well, today I had a productive day. I went to the Post Office and shipped some items that I sold on Ebay. And then I went to get my nails done. I was so excited to drive again (even though I don't know if I am allowed or not). When I got behind the wheel it was kinda' like I forgot. And then the greatest thing happened....I noticed that the seatbelt fits better. I didn't feel like I was choking myself to death. YEA! Little milestones..you gotta love em'.
When I got the the nail salon and was sitting there getting my nails done I was staring at the pedicure chair with longing. And then I decided to go ahead and get a pedicure. I was a little apprehensive of sitting in the chair because it is like a ride at the fair. It slams shut on your hip and it feels like it will pop open if you touch it. Well, a funny story....right before Christmas was when I got my last pedi and as I was sitting in the chair, I must have leaned the wrong way because all of a sudden the side popped open hit the lady that was sitting next to me. I was so embarrassed and vowed never to get another pedi at that store again. Well, today I was just dying for one and like I said it's been since Christmas and well I could sand a chair down with my heels so they really needed it. Plus I deserve it dammit. Anyway, as I am getting ready to sit down in the chair again, I kept imaging the side popping open again and I just didn't think that I could live with that again so I thought, "okay keep your legs together and just suck it in." Weeeeellllll, I didn't have to. My ass (sorry Mom)....My butt fit so muuuucccchhhh better. I could actually sit comfortably in the chair and not worry about it popping open. I am so proud.
So here is a new idea that I am taking from eggface. At the end of some of her posts she adds her highlights of her day. I thought it was a great idea so I am going to start doing that. So here it goes....
*Highlights for today*
~Not popping the chair open at the nail salon.
~Seeing a huge gap in my pants for the first time. I love not worrying about splitting my pants open anymore.
~Mani and Pedi. Need I say more?
~Getting a huge hug and kiss from my husband tonight. And he got a little slap on the butt. About as much sexual action he is going to get from me for a while since the doctor told me I am probably fertile myrtle now since I lost weight.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
1. FIRST NAME: Katheryn (if you should ever call me this I shall beat you)
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My grandmother’s
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Yesterday, damn hormones
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Smoked
6. KIDS? Nope
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? Yes, cause I rock
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yep
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Like yeah whatever
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Hell to the no
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cookie Crisp
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Mint Chocolate Chip or Strawberry
16. SHOE SIZE? 11
17. RED OR PINK? pink
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My nose, but I have so many to choose from
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My niece Mallory, I don’t get to see her that often
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO HAVE TO DO THIS? Yes
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW? Teal sweatpants and my slippers
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Protein Shake (sipped it more or less)
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? CSI on tv
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Sexy Rockstar Pink
25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? My husband’s cologne or coffee
26. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mom to let me know that our trip to PA is on for this weekend. Yea!
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes & Teeth
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, she is a Rockstar
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Anything from Starbucks
30. FAVORITE SPORT? Umm yeah don’t have one.
31. HAIR COLOR? Light Brown and Blonde
32. EYE COLOR? Brown
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yessirreee bob
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Spaghetti or Pasta Da Vinci from Cheesecake Factory
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy Ending
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? P.S. I Love You
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Teal (to match the sweats)
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Both
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? : Brownie and Ice Cream
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Who knows
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Who knows
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Divine Evil By Nora Roberts
44. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don’t use one, but I really want one that looks like a carpet with fringe on it…still trying to find one.
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Lisa Lampenelli on Comedy Central
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? My husband’s soft snores, not the loud ones just the soft ones to let me know that he is still beside me, and the waves on the shore at Kelley’s
47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones
48. TALENT? I can touch my tongue to my nose
49. ARE YOU CURRENTLY IN LOVE? Most definitely
50. WHAT MEMORY GOOD OR BAD STICKS OUT THE MOST FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? Riding my bike up and down Kirby’s driveway
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I was just reading and getting some new ideas for recipes from a new fave blog and saw a link to a website to see how many calories you burn during sex. I was laughing so hard that I almost split my glued incisions open. Go check it out! Thanks eggface for the great laugh.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Okay so here is the lowdown...weight loss as of yesterday, 34 lbs. Yea!!!!!! I am starting to get really proud of myself. I have noticed that my hands are getting thinner and so is my face. I fit into my jeans better and I wore my favorite white vest today and I could actually zip it and sit down with it zipped. I freakin rock! (I told my mother-in-law about it and she wanted to know if my shoe size would go down to...I wear a size 11.)
My husband and I went to the high school today to help with the choir concert (we do admissions and programs) and I was handing out programs and I noticed that if I stand for too long I get nauseous and I the cold sweats. So after handing out programs, I went and sat down in a chair by my husband for a while and got over it pretty quick. Plus the fact that my husband bought me a Powerade with some sugar in it probably helped my low blood sugar some too.
After the concert, we went back home to unload the treadmill that my mother has let me borrow. Well, Kristian (my husband) unloaded it since I can't lift anything over a gallon of milk or 5 lbs. So I sat in the truck while my loving husband unloaded the treadmill by himself in the rain. I felt bad. I really did. No seriously...I really did feel bad. But he did it. And in the process, he ripped up the front yard with the truck. Nice. Oh here's a funny story for you. While my husband and I were waiting for the concert to end to clean up, my husband mentions to me that he does not think it might be a good idea for me to run on the treadmill. HA HA HA. Like my fat ass would run on a treadmill. Let me rephrase that. Like my fat ass would run. Period. He then proceeded to tell me that he would be scared that I would fall through to the basement. I actually started laughing at him because I was picturing it. You're laughing too. Go ahead. Laugh. I give you permission. Because here is the picture I had.... I would be running on the treadmill. I would hear creaks and all of sudden....BAM WHOOSH BANG I would be in the basement. Still standing on the treadmill and I would just start running again like nothing happened. Funny I know.
But, back to serious business. I am actually excited to have a treadmill. I am too embarrassed to go outside and walk. I am a lazy walker. I want to watch tv while walking. I live in a nice and quiet neighborhood but I just have this feeling when I am out that all of our neighbors are peering out their windows at me and making fun of me. And like who really wants to see a fat girl walking on their sidewalks. I might cause an accident and I just could not live with that. Plus their is a school close by and if I should walk by a teacher may say, "Look kids, if you don't eat right you may end up like that fat lady." I just can't do it. I would rather sweat and pant in my own house while watching tv. Plus the friction between my legs when I start walking real fast might start a fire and I need to be close to a fire extingisher. I don't want to have to rely on a neighbor and his hose. I don't want to make the headlines.
So today was another big day for me. See I have been having problems getting enough food in. Yeah ironic isn't it. My daily consumption of food looks like this: 2 cups of soup, 3 sugar free popsicles, 1 cup of pudding, 8 cups of water, 2 baby spoonfuls of cottage cheese and maybe a can of slimfast for low carb diets. I am just having a hard time eating food. So today I really wanted some Wendy's chili seeing as that is the only chili that I can have. So today I had 1/2 a slimfast, 6 cups of water, 1 cup of chili (pureed...it looked like puke, but was ever so good) with cheese sprinkled on top and 2 tablespoons of cottage cheese. Yeah, I totally sucked today. I really need to start a food diary. I just hate having to figure out how much protein, calories, carbs, sugars..blah blah blah. If I could just write down what I ate and how much I ate and someone could figure out the other shit, I would be good. But I just have to suck it up and do it. Gotta put on my big girl panties and suck it up.
See my problem is that I am afraid that if I don't get enough protein in, my hair is gonna fall out. Now I have really thick hair, but I love it. I don't want it to fall out. Can you image me being all skinny and sexy and then you look at my head and I have patches of hair. Yeah, real freakin sexy. Gotta love that patchy hair skinny girl look. Seeeexxxxyyyyy.
So tomorrow is a new day. I am home again tomorrow from work and I have a list of things that I want to do. I want to get all my protein in and all my liquids in. I want to make a food list and a exercise schedule (note to self: call nurse and make sure can start exercising) and also find some basic exercises that I can start with. I have a big day ahead. But first things first. Sleep. And now I am able to sleep on my sides and stomach. Halleluiah!!!
Friday, March 6, 2009
I know I haven't posted in a while and yeah, I'm sorry. I haven't been feeling up to it. I am stuck in a rut. I don't sleep much and I am cranky. It has been 11 days since my surgery and I am just blah. You caught me in a bad mood.
So here are the details: I have lost a total of 31 lbs. Go me. (I am so in a bad mood.)
I am in such a funk that I haven't twittered, facebook'd, or changed my Blackberry Messenger status. I don't know what my deal is. I left the house the other day with my mom and we went grocery shopping, got my haircut, and we dropped books off at the library. I don't feel like leaving the house anymore. I was so tired when I got home that day that even when I tried to take a nap, I couldn't.
See, my problem with not sleeping is that I have to sleep on my back all night. And well, I just have a hard time doing that. I start out okay, but then my back starts to hurt and I get the willies in my legs and arms, so then I have to sit up and rock back and forth. It sucks. I used to be able to sleep no problem. When I would go to bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out like a light. Now I lay awake and listen to my husband snore and my stomach gurgle.
Then today happened. I actually slept some last night and thought it was going to be a good day. What was I thinking. I must have the worst luck in the world. I get a text message from my husband stating, "hot water tank is busted...no hot water". Just freakin great. And here I thought I was going to have a good day. I thought wrong. So no shower. No running the dishwasher. No doing laundry. I then decided to say screw it and went downstairs and watched my dvr shows all day. I didn't do a damn thing.
The one thing I did do is eat. Well, drink in my case. But I also did a little eating. Yep, gonna tell ya the truth. I had carrots and cauliflower. Yeah, I chewed it until it was like mush, but now I am paying for it. It hurts to breath and I can't make the pain go away. I am such a dumb ass. I should have known better. I shouldn't have started food so soon. I learned my lesson.
I would tell my husband about it, but he and I got into an argument about the water heater and now he is ignoring me. Probably because I am such a naggy bitch of a wife. Yep, I suck. Today sucked. And I can't even sleep for the day to just go away. I screwed.