What the heck was I thinking?!?!?!?

So I have been home for two days now. And it still is not getting any easier. So let me start at the beginning on Sunday when I started my "cleaning" out.

On Saturday night my husband and I had my "last" dinner with my parents, my aunt Karen, uncle Dick, and my cousin Kyle. We went to the Varsity Club in Willard and I ordered grilled chicken sandwich on a pretzel bun with fries and I had a small salad with Ranch dressing and I ordered dessert that I shared with the whole table. The dessert was a brownie with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. Let me tell you..it was damn good. However, it was the next day that I regretted the whole decision to eat any food.

Sunday. Oh Sunday. I spent the whole freakin day in the bathroom. My husband left the house to go over to his parents to eat since I did not allow him to eat in the house. I had to drink 1 1/2 bottle of magnesium citrate at 2 and then another 1 1/2 bottle at 5. Oh, dear Lord. I was prayin to die. I had never went to the bathroom like that. I went through 2 rolls of that double toilet paper. I read an entire romance novel by Nora Roberts while sitting on the "john". You know that song by Johnny Cash "I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire", yeah that should explain it.

Then Monday came and I was a nervous wreck. I left both cellphones at home because I was afraid that I would call someone to come get me and runaway. I got up at 6 am (I really didn't sleep, just cat napped) and packed my bag and was in the truck ready to go. I was actually waiting on my husband. I had it in my head that the sooner I get there, the sooner it would be over. Kinda like Christmas. You go to bed sooner the sooner Santa comes.

We got to the hospital and I was surprised to see that my mom was already there and my grandparents made the trip from Crestline to be with me on my big day. I was taken to a room and answered a whole bunch of questions that I had already answered and they put the band on my wrist. Well, that sealed the deal. They tagged me and I was theirs.

I was then taken to a little room where I had to strip and put on funny little blue booties and a blue hat and a blue gown (the kind that shows your booty). And they had me get into a bed in the hallway. Well this is where I started getting really nervous and yeah I started crying. My Mamaw and Papaw gave me a hug and kiss and then my mom gave me a kiss and then I really started crying in earnest when my husband gave me a hug and a kiss. He probably thought, "what a baby." But this is my first big surgery. The only surgery that I've had before was to have my tonsils taken out when I was 19.

So they took me back to the surgery waiting room and I was in there for almost an hour and while in there they started my IV. I was still crying and one of the anesthesiologist came over and was talking with me and was explaining everything to me and I calmed down. Then soon as I calmed down my surgeon came in and said "we are ready for her". So then I started crying again. (I am a big baby)

They wheeled me down the hallway and into a small room with a bunch of people standing around. I remember thinking, "wow, are all these people here for me?". The surgeon came in again and I looked at him and that's when they gave me the "joy juice". They put a mask on my face and said take deep breaths and out I went.

When I woke up my mom and husband were talking and I remember trying to open my eyes and not being able to. I just let myself fall back asleep. I woke up some hours later and it was dark outside and the first thing I saw was my room and how pretty and modern it was. The cabinets were black, the walls were painted a mocha latte color, I was in a private room, and I had a flat screen tv. Then I saw my husbands face. He asked me how I was feeling and said I was still groggy. I was not allowed any food or drink until the next day. So around 8pm my mom and husband left and boy was I pushing my little button for "joy juice". The pain started in full force. It felt like someone punched and kicked me in the stomach about a million times. The nurse came in, gave me my shots and checked my vitals and then hauled my butt out of bed and helped me "waddle" down the hallway. After I got back in bed, I decided that the day should be over so I went to sleep and then woke up at 3 am when the fire alarm went off. And it beeped for over an hour and 45 mins. I just pushed my little happy black button and dozed off to sleep.

When I woke up at 6 am, I noticed all the little sounds that other patients make in their sleep: coughing, snoring, moaning, wheezing, and farting. Yeah, the patient across the room from me farted so many times I thought they had a fart machine in their room. And of course when someone farts you have to laugh, it's a law. And after having stomach surgery you CANNOT and I mean CANNOT laugh.

Around 9 am they took my down to x-ray and did a GI test. They had me drink this milky liquid that would light up my esophagus and my new "pouch". They wanted to make sure I didn't have any leaks or tears. Now being over 24 hours since I had anything to drink, my mouth drier than a sandstorm in the Sierra Desert. The milky liquid that they gave me to drink was nasty but oh so good at the same time. Also I got to see my new pouch on the x-ray machine when it was lit up and it was really cool and really small. I was impressed. After they told me I didn't have any leaks or tears, they told me that I was now allowed water and low sugar liquids (can you hear the angels sing?). I was so excited to get my first glass of ice chips that I chomped and chomped until my husband got there at 6pm. And what happens when you chomp on a lot of ice. Yep, thats right, you pee. And pee I did. And because they took out my catheter earlier I got real sick and tired of being sick and tired.

It seemed like every 20 mins I was getting up (which was not a pleasant experience) and going to the bathroom. Also when I was able to have a BM (nurse language for bowel movement) I had to have help in the paper department. I have never been so embarrassed. I am thankful that I am now able to take care of that issue (or should I say tissue..ha ha ha) by myself.

The next day was go home day. I was so excited and was so ready. Now my surgeon told me that he would come see me at from 10-12. So my husband took the day off work and we sat around and waited for the surgeon to come to release me. Now, we saw 12 come and go and then 1 come and go. Finally around 2 he finally came and I was having a little issue with shoulder pain. He wanted me to stick around to make sure that that went away. Now the shoulder pain, I was expecting that from the anesthesia. But what I was not expecting was the gas pain in my stomach. And the liquid bm's I was having (yeah, gross but I told you I am brutal honest). I was more or less tired of being sick. So my husband and I waited around some more.

Now the surgeon said he would come back in about 2-3 hours. That was around 2. After I saw the surgeon my regular doctor came in and saw me and told me that my sugar (diabetes) was doing great so he took me off my meds (hear the angels again? I did). And the nurse came back in, gave me more shots and told me that a doctor would be in to take out my tubing (see photo). I thought I was getting close to leaving. But no, I was so wrong. Around 4 pm the doctor came and took out my tubing and he told me it would not hurt, but it would feel funny. Now imagine this, imagine a foot long tube the size of a large straw is in your stomach wrapped around intestines and a doctor starts pulling it out real fast. Now he was right, it didn't hurt but none the less, it made me nauseous and it felt like he was moving my intestines around. Yeah, I still get like phantom feelings of it if I think about it. Now when I look at my stomach I have a hole in it and it looks like a big worm hole. Gross but cool. I have to keep it covered with gauze so I don't get anything in it. So after that I was determined to take a shower. I had all my IV's out and my incisions were glued together so I was ready to go. It felt so good to be sitting under that shower. I sat in there for quite a while and the reason why I know I was in there for a while is because both my husband and my nurse came in and checked on me.

But then at 9 pm the surgeon walked in. Now remember when I told you when he informed us that he would be back in 2-3 hours and that was around 2. Yeah, at 9 PM he finally came in and asked me (yeah asked me) if I wanted to go home or stay another night. Now, I was sitting on my bed with my bags next to me and I had go home clothes on. What in the heck was he thinking?!?!?!?! I told him that I was ready to go over 5 hours ago. He said he was stuck in surgery. (yeah, that's what they all say). Anyway, finally I was getting to go home.

On the ride home, I was not expecting the pain. Every time the truck dipped or hit a pot hole or a crack in the road, I was ready to hit the roof. I was holding my "squeeze" pillow to my tummy to hold it in (yeah, it helped a lot honestly). When we got home it was around 11 pm. I was exhausted and ready for bed. I went upstairs (stairs are no problem) and went right to bed and guess what....I woke up at exactly 6 am.

I have learned a few things since having surgery that may help you others getting ready to have surgery or are wanting to have surgery.
1. When you get up out of bed or out of a chair, pretend you are pregnant and go stomach first and use your thigh muscles instead of stomach muscles.
2. When you fart, please remember that it may not be just air, some other stuff may come out too.
3. Take your pain medications on time or you will pay for it.
4. Before you go in for surgery, make sure you put on chapstick. When they put the tube down your throat it keeps your mouth open for the duration of your surgery and it will keep your lips from being chapped.
5. Don't laugh real hard. You may pee a little.
6. Every time you get up, hold your "squeeze" pillow to your tummy. It does help.
7. Walk at least 10 mins every hour. It helps with gas and also with blood clots. But mostly with gas. If you have the laproscopic surgery they fill your belly with air to be able to see your intestines and move around with the utensils.
8. Do your breathing exercises when you get back from walking. It will make it so much easier to breath. And sit up when you do them. Laying down makes it much harder to breath.
9. Sip slowly and don't have anything real cold or real hot. Luke warm is good enough for now.
10. Things to take to the hospital: shampoo, conditioner, lotion, deodorant (you smell real bad after surgery), go home clothes, face wash, chapstick, a wooden spoon or salad tongs (to wipe your hiney. you won't ever use them again though), and vasaline (the hospital is very dry, you will have to put this up your nose to not have nose bleeds. Apparently the hospital does not believe in the humidifiers.)

So now that I have been home for a couple of days and my mom has been with me for that couple of days, I have realized that I am glad that I had surgery. Not only is my mom helping me get my energy back but she is cleaning my house and putting up my decorations that I have yet (I have lived here for over 3 years) to put up.

But another thing, people are going to treat you like a child. They (my husband and mother) come in the living room where I am camped out and tell me, "do your breathing", "sip...sip". Last night I was getting ready for bed and I asked my husband for the 2 teaspoons of my liquid pain meds and he asked me kinda haughty "are you sure you need 2 teaspoons, won't 1 teaspoon do you?" I practically came unglued. I informed him that I just had stomach surgery and my stomach was cut in half and sewn shut and then sewn to my intestine. Now if he wanted to live through the night and not be smothered with a pillow he would bring me 2 teaspoons of diluted pain medication. He did bring me the 2 teaspoons. He lived. I have now informed them to ask me nicely if I did my breathing exercises and if I have walked and not the second guess me and ask me if I am lying. Remind them that the only person that it is going to hurt is you and not them.

But I am going to end this now and will post the pictures of my surgery once I get my mom's camera. Probably tomorrow. Hope you are still awake.