Mini Epiphanies

I woke up this morning with a dreadful feeling in my stomach. I wasn't sick or having issues with my surgery. I knew that today was my last day before returning to work. I have been off work since February 20th and have pretty much enjoyed every minute of it. I had such big plans for my time off. I wanted to start writing my romance novel. I wanted to get my house in order. And I wanted to of course recover from surgery. As I thought about what I had planned, I wish I could start over. I wouldn't even mind going through the whole surgery again.

But now that the whole pity party is going on...I have started to not follow my eating guidelines. Why you ask. Well, I have noticed that I am starting to get hungry and I am sick and tired of eating pudding, jello, yogurt, and soup. I am having cravings and I don't like it one bit. And it has showed. I am stuck at 359. And I don't like it one bit.

So today I chewed my own ass and made myself a pact. I am going to start a food diary and I am finally going to start working out. I have been so lazy and have done nothing. I am ashamed. I have been given this great gift of a tool to help me lose weight and what have I done with it? Not a damn thing. I hear the pity party dying down and the whips snapping.

Well, my mother had her gastric bypass on April Fools Day and she is doing great. I am so proud of her. This past Sunday my husband and I went down to visit her and I took my "WLS book" down to compare to hers. And of course my loving husband informed my mother and mamaw (yes, I have a mamaw) that I have been a bad girl. So my mother chewed my ass and I pretty much deserved it. Although, I didn't let on that I deserved it, I pretty much acted like a child and threw a fit.

So now starting my food diary and work out diary. I made an excel file. Yep, I am a geek. And I am vowing to myself and to you that I am going to give it all I've got to enter my food and my exercise into it. It is a pretty awesome excel file. If you wish to have it or see it, send me your email address and I will email it to you. I am also starting a journal. I had a friend the other day tell me that she thinks the reason why I haven't lost more weight is because I have been so heavy for so long that I don't know how to be thinner and that my weight is like a security blanket for me. And the more I thought about what she said the more she makes sense.

How do you go from being fat to skinny? All my life I have prevented myself from doing so many things that I just marked them out of my life. So I am writing down a bucket list...which I find so funny. Bucket. Get it? (Another term for butt is bucket) I am going to make a list of things I have never been able to do because of my bucket and I am going to mark them off as I do them. (I am just having a epiphany today).

My Bucket List:
1. fit easily into a booth in a restaurant
2. sit in a stadium seat without hurting
3. be able to fit into a tiny sports car and not have to do the "lean and pull"
4. look good in a full length picture (and feel comfortable about it)
5. go to the movies and not have to move the armrest up
6. be able to go on a trip in an airplane

That is just the beginning to My Bucket List. So today is technically the last day of freedom and the first day of the rest of my life.

*Highlights of today*

~Finalizing the dairies in excel file
~Watching all day America's Next Top Model (I got sucked in)
~Updating my address book and birthday list