(Note: I got most of these from eggface and I wanted to elaborate. Thanks eggface)
Having to take medications for diabetes and high blood pressure
Driving around the parking lots for hours waiting to get the perfect spot, you know, the very first one right after the handicap ones.
Going shopping with friends and only being able to buy purses and jewlery.
Going out to eat with family and friends and having to ask for a armless chair and heavenforbid if they sat us in a booth.
Going to concerts and not being able to fit into the t-shirts.
Being hot all the time and sweating for no reason. Sitting in a chair, taking a shower, driving…all sweating.
Narrow aisles in stores, hope to God that no one wanted to pass. It is so embarrassing to have to walk out of an aisle to let someone go by and then try again.
Weighing at the Dr. office and saying “oh we give you 3 pounds”. I don’t want you to give me 3 pounds.
Being limited to three clothing stores. (Lane “Giant”, Avenue, and Catherines)
Feeling as though my husband is not attracted to me anymore. It is hard to be a nympho and your husband not wanting it.
People analyzing what you order at restaurants. I am always thinking that servers are thinking, “Yea, order that and then say you want a diet pepsi…who are kidding.”
Dive bar bathrooms. Yea, I love to try to sit on a toilet seat that already touches the wall and then the toilet paper roll right on the other side touching the other side.
People always saying, "You have such a pretty face."
People alwasy saying, "Are you really gonna eat that?"
Walking by a group of teenagers and hoping they didn't make comments. (Funny story: I was once pumping gas and a carload of kids drove by and yelled “COW!” out of the window and apparently they were too busy looking at my fat butt that they didn’t stop at the stop light and they got hit. I laughed and thanked God for karma.)
Having pictures taken. If you take my picture it better be boob and up.
Having to special order my bridal gown. And having the lady tell me infront of a group of girls getting ready for prom that the reason why it was $300 more was because “that’s a lot more fabric honey.” I wanted to shank her.
The chairs with the attached desks at college.
Not fitting on roller coasters and amusement rides.
Popping a rib out of socket to get my toenails painted
Worrying when I heard a creak in a chair. (Funny story: My husband and I were at a bar with those small white chairs with the metal legs. Well, I sat sideways to get a better picture of my friends and I bent the legs on the chair. My husband saw it and he got me out of it real quick and I just left it. It ended up with my friend sitting in it that is small and he thought that he did it. Priceless.)
Seatbelts. And these damn new cars that beep non stop if both front seat passengers don’t buckle in.
Old-fashioned movie theater seats. I can only go to certain movie theaters that have the lift up armrests. I usually call before hand to make sure. Last time I went to a movie that didn’t have them, I ended up with such a bruise on my hips that I actually bruised my hip bone. Fun times.
Stadium seating. When my husband and I go to Indian’s games I sit for half the game and get my ass bruises and then the other half of the game I sit in the picnic area and watch the game on the tv. When my husband won tickets to a Cav’s playoff game I was hell bent and determined to go. We got there late and the game had already started. It was sold out. I had never seen so many people. We had club seats and as we are being ushered down to our seats I was praying like I never prayed before. When I went to sit down I was so relieved to find that my ass “juuuusssttt” fit. I didn’t get up until it was time to leave.
Packing a small getaway bag is impossible. 2 garments took up the whole bag. So for one weekend I have 3 bags and then having my friends saying, “you know we are only going away for a weekend right?”
Last dress I wore was my wedding dress. I so want to wear a pretty summery dress.
Never getting a piggy back ride or being swept off my feet. I so can’t wait until my husband can pick me up and carry me.
Dressing rooms. I hate going into a dressing room and trying on clothes. I end up sweating so much that the clothes then stick to me. I think they turn up the heat on fat chicks.
Slow dancing with my husband and not being able to have his arms around me all the way.
Shorts. No one wants to see a fat chick in shorts. But when I did wear them and then got into a hot car with leather seats I heard the hiss of searing flesh and then smelling the faint scent of bacon.
Small cars. Yeah I love your new car but I don’t want a ride. I don’t want to have to contort myself and have my knees up to my tits. Its like an elephant sitting in a Volkswagen beetle.
Sitting in a backseat of a car and someone pulling up next to the car and saying, “hey I think your tire is flat.”
Getting into my car and do the lean and pull. You know...lean over so your butt has room to pull the door shut.
I can probably think of a dozen more and will probably add them later. Thanks to eggface again.
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